"An Otter Failure" has been published on Smashwords!

My newest story "An Otter Failure" has been published on Smashwords! I am very happy to share this one with the world. It is one of the most adorable ideas I have ever had. It was even based on a dream I had back in 2011. The cover was entirely the work of Coy Fields II, and I really love it. You can download a copy for yourself FREE OF CHARGE at the following link:

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/588822

Here is a synopsis:

What happens when an otter falls in love with a human being? Chaos! Suki was a cute, little female otter living in a Japanese aquarium. One day, Hotaka came to see the famous otter, and in mere moments, she knew that she was in love. Little did this man know that this particular otter was in the possession of a magical clamshell that could grant her every wish. Will she be able to use it to show him how she feels? In this adorable story by T.K. Wade, find out how love can bloom in the oddest of places.

Mustelidae Spotlight: Lesser Grison

So now we have the lesser grison. The name really does fit. He is much smaller than his greater cousin. This musty only has a body length of 20 inches and weighs a mere 5.3 pounds. They are almost entirely found in the southernmost parts of South America.

In form, they really do resemble the greater grison with their long necks, webbed feet, claws, and anal scent glands. Other than being much smaller in size, you may also recognize a distinct change in color scheme. Remember the habit-looking design from the last blog? Well, the colors are not quite as well-formed with the lesser grison, but there are other things about him to find interesting,

The lesser grison is almost entirely a land animal. He enjoys hunting down little animals like rodents, lizard, and birds. What's that? Were you expecting fish? Any reason why? Might it have to do with the mentioning of their webbed feet? Good point! It is entirely natural that you would assume that they would hunt for fish, but in reality, they don't much like the water. The fact that he has webbed toes is likely because he is related to the greater grison. Indeed, the lesser is quite capable of swimming thanks to the webbing, but he certainly wouldn't be caught doing it when there are at least thirty good reasons to stay dry.

Clearly, the most striking aspect of the lesser grison is their hunting methods. They stalk their prey relentlessly and with a fierceness that is not as indicative of his greater cousin. Their favorite food are cavis such as guinea pigs, but they also enjoy a chinchilla or two. But here is where things become very weird. Lesser grisons are known to play with their prey for up to 45 minutes before finally killing and eating them up. Can you imagine this creatures chasing you around only to let you run off for a bit before ultimately finishing you off? Talk about cruel!

This playfulness actually allows the lesser grison to be easily domesticated and re-purposed into hunting companions. Their eagerness to hunt and kill come in handy especially in obtaining those very valuable chinchilla pelts. You can imagine how they might work in groups at the command of a human.

The latter statements have a great effect on the fiction side of these musties. I see the lesser grison as a cocky and cruel bandit who picks on the small and helpless. He enjoys making his victims experience a nightmare before finally following through with it. Only the most adept fighters can stop him from completing the act. I like this idea. I am always fond of villains that are interesting like this. What do you think?

The difference from greater to lesser is large enough to make both grisons worthy of a spotlight. It is interesting how the lesser seems far more cruel than his greater counterpart. In a way it reminds me of the terrible youth who strikes out at the world for no better reason than to sate his own fevered lusts, while the adult shakes his head at him with severe concern. From animals, we can often see into the nature of humans themselves, and that is why we like them.

Thank you for reading this blog. If you enjoyed it, you can leave a comment below, or you can email me at tooie@tooiekangaroo.com. So long!

The Fox and the Snake

"The Fox and the Snake" A fable by T.K. Wade.

A fox had heard word that snakes were known for their abilities in killing prey. Thinking snakes to be very slow and stupid creatures, the fox challenged the snake to a killing contest. The snake agreed to this and allowed the fox to have the first go. The fox hunted all day and killed every little animal he could find–eating them up. Indeed, he became quite fat. To the snake, he said, “As you can see, I have had no troubles in the hunt. My belly is full. Now, I would like to see a slithering snake do likewise. I do not believe you can do it.” And the fox was correct. The snake found it impossible to kill so many as his opponent, and this caused him to lose the contest. After all, he only managed to kill and eat one fat fox.

Mustelidae Spotlight: Greater Grison

Every once in a while, we'll run into a mustie who isn't quite as well-known or really as interesting as the other more popular ones. At this point, we really have covered many of the greats, but there are still others. Today, let us have a brief look at a mustie known as the greater grison. There are two species of Grison, and you may imagine that the other one would be called the lesser. This is correct. He is an entire different conversation. The greater grison has his own particulars that got my attention, but first, let's look at what he is all about.

Greater grisons have a somewhat "badgery" look to them mainly in color scheme. They are about 24 inches long from head to tail about about 8 pounds in weight. They are slender, have short legs, a short bushy tail, but a surprisingly long neck. Their feet are webbed with five toes on each foot which have long claws on them. They come in a stunning variety of two color schemes: black and grey... and also grey and black. They can be located mainly in South and Central America.

The greater grisons are also known for being good swimmers as well as adept tree climbers. This is very good since they like a little variety in what they eat. It seemed to me that they really do prefer land--unlike the otters who can't get enough of the water. This mustie prefers solid ground and will only go swimming as a means of hunting up fish. Another interesting tidbit about the greater grison is their anal scent glands--this being similar to what the skunks have. They can even spray as a self-defense mechanism or as a means of marking territory. Personality wise, they don't seem like bad fellows. There is a sort of quiet loneliness about them, but they don't seem like the hostile sort at all.

The one thing that stands out to me about these musties is how their coat colors are arranged. Generally, they have a black undercoat, and a light grey "top," which wraps about the top of the head and drapes along the back as if it was some sort of habit. The line from grey to black is sometimes blurred, but other times, it can be heavily defined. Those are the ones I particularly fancy, and I will explain why.

The greater grison is unheard-of in fiction, but I expected that. This mustie is one of the many unappreciated in the animal kingdom. Because of their "habit" look, I like to see them as little holy people who live on their own taking care of themselves. I think the look works for them in this way. Their out-of-the-way aspect assist with this image and makes people wonder at who they really are. But you must understand that there could be a number of ways to interpret them. This was just the first thing that my imagination gave me. I'd love to hear what other people might see in them. It could be the exact opposite. Look at the pictures and try to figure an idea out for yourself.

One thing I do want to mention before I end this is just how wonderful they look when they are hunting. They appear to me very focused and calm. There is a look in their eyes that I find fascinating--very expressive. Let me know what you think.

Next week, we will discuss his cousin: the lesser grison. You may find him equally as interesting despite what his name suggests!

Thank you for reading this blog. If you enjoyed it, please comment below, or you can email me at tooie@tooiekangaroo.com. Bless.

"The Death of Olympus" has been published on Smashwords!

My new story "The Death of Olympus" is available at Smashwords for $0.99! This is possibly the most eloquent story I have ever written! You don't want to miss this one! And also check out the awesome cover drawn by Chris Buffaloe! Check it out here:

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/585558

Here is a synopsis: 

In the future, the population of the earth is reduced to a mere five hundred million. A small group of transhumans called the Immortals rule the entire world from their great city Olympus. Enter Kaitlyn Little, a young mortal woman who enjoys writing stories. The only problem is that mortals are not allowed to create fiction; however, John Smith, an eminent Immortal, becomes interested in her gift. In this dramatic new vision by T.K. Wade, find out how this simple girl challenges all that the Immortals have come to cherish.

The Mule Who Put On Airs

"The Mule Who Put On Airs" A fable by T.K. Wade.

Once, there was a mule who thought he was not respected. He saw how the horses were fed the best hay and were shod in the finest metal. Thinking he deserved such things, he marched inside and partook of the feast as if he belonged there. “What are you doing?” asked a horse. Said the mule, “Am I not a living beast as you? I shall take what I want.” “But what have you done to deserve such things?” asked another horse. The mule replied, “I slave for the farmer who beats me in an unjustified way when I stop to rest. I am a mistreated animal, and therefore, I shall eat the best hay as recompense.” The horses saw that this mule was deserving of no special treatment, so they all struck him with their hooves until he was run off. As the mule limped away, he said to himself, “I did not ask to be born into such responsibility. Woe is me!”

Birth accompanies no entitlements.

Mustelidae Spotlight: Giant Otter

Welcome to South America where the otters grow to a whopping 5.6 feet in length! Goodness! The giant otter--a name well deserved--is actually the longest member of the mustelidae family. Best of all, you know these guys are sweet because they look like they're made of chocolate. That's right! I said it! All those "otter" guys aren't made of chocolate!

The giant otter is so big that to see one is a little imposing. They come in large groups too. Like many other species of otter--dismissing the European variety--these musties love the fellowship of others. They also like to play. Imagine how much noise these big guys would make splashing about all day long. Actually, it might be nosier than you'd think.

Giant otters talk! Well, sort of. They have a complex lexicon of sounds that they make which all mean something particular. Little "hah hah" sounding barks are used to express interest in something. It is a little like saying, "Oh, look! There's a friendly fish I can eat!" It can also mean something spooky like: "Oh, look! That fish is staring at me funny. Maybe, I should eat it." The latter sound was also described--in my research--as an explosive snort. I am still trying to figure out what that would sound like. Giant otters also employ a sort of screaming sound which is akin to yelling out, "I found the fish! Attack!" They also sometimes coo and make cute noises which means to say, "I love you. Please, let me eat your fish." Unfortunately, newborn pups can only squeak which is too bad since only mice could understand anything they are saying. Really, I researched this!

As you may have figured out by now, giant otters feed mainly on fish. Oddly, however, they tend to be independent hunters. This contrasts from their usual group mentality. They will almost always hunt as individuals. They tend to find their own spot and stick to it. Nobody else is allowed there. That's there fishing spot. No one else is allowed to go to... "otter space!" Still, I don't see why the extra fish can't be shared.

Groups of giant otters generally have a pecking order. A colony is usually ruled by a mated pair. It almost feels like a monarchy in this respect. Behold! His Majesty, King Otto, and his wife, Queen Fishface! Trust me, she has earned that name.

In fiction, the giant otter is mostly in legends. But I warn you: a lot of it is really weird. In an Achurar folk story, giant otters are water spirits who assisted a man who had wasted his sexual energy. Now, just bear with me for a moment. The story says that the otters helped create the anacondas of the world from the man's--and I quote--"distressed and extended genitals." The Asian otter tales are sounding pretty good right now. The Bororo believe that people who swallowed a tobacco leaf instead of smoking it would turn into a giant otter. Seems reasonable. In a more fairy-like tale, the Kichwa people believed in someone named Yaku who ruled over the water and fish. Cutely, the giant otters served as her own personal canoes. I like this story better than the genital-snake one.

Comically, I see these particular otters as happy fish enthusiasts. They have these events where they sit around a table and sample different types of fish and discuss in intricate detailed about which fish is better than others. Sound "fishy" to me, but I suppose such events are "prawn" to such behavior. But with these guys, any"fin" is possible.

Okay. I am so sorry I did that.

Anyways, the giant otter is definitely deserving of the musty hall-of-fame for being the largest of them all. And for being made of chocolate. Okay, in the future, I really need to relax before I write these things. I hope you enjoyed all the otter blogs! You "otter" come back next week! There might be fish!

Thank you for reading this incredibly silly blog. If you enjoyed it, you can comment below, or you can email me at tooie@tooiekangaroo.com. EXPLOSIVE SNORT!

Godspeed To an Old Bed

"Godspeed To an Old Bed" by T.K. Wade

There is something to be said of a bed that one has traveled the endless Dreamscape with for the better part of one's life. This, indeed, was the case for me. Without stating the claim that the nightly cradle had really any choice in the matter, I could not go through the inevitable transition without a certain level of sentimentality. A dimittere of the highest order with respect to my perceptions.

Oh! But I was in a dire need of a replacement, to be sure. This ship which had voyaged the endless seas of dreams and nightmares had grown old, and its boards were splitting in dangerous ways. More than once a storm came about and pummeled her hull like so many waves. I encumbered her. Velut vincti caedebantur, we were destined to sink into an abyss of carpet if action were lacking.

Veritably, the constant creaking of the vessel would prove a constant reminder of her mortality. I was, at once, plagued with knowledge of impending consequences. Inevitable! She would need be scuttled! But how does one ratify such notions of desuetude when half a life's accomplishments have been sonorously placed on record?! Should we deny it?! Sadly, it cannot be denied.

The Olympians cast aside their gaze, and I was forced to quit the seas for the moment. A substitute of no greater resplendence was in order, and inevitably came the day when I acquired new bedding. It rained the entire occasion and failed to cease until the transaction was one hour past. Even so, the clouds remained, and the wind bellowed through the trees expressing sorrow for something most considered trivial. My intentions were immediate, but my actions were lacking.

Upon arriving home, I took my place upon the failing galley. There was magic in the moment, for she gave little complaint of my presence. "Ultimo momento," she said to me. The breaking waves did not break this time. Queerly, I found an unfamiliar comfort. It was as if she drew from waning strength to achieve a perfect cruise. Goodbyes are not always so sweet, but in these final moments, I saw peace beyond the collected voyages through dreamland. And I slept in fifteen minutes a journey of a thousand years. Godspeed ye child of oak. Godspeed.

-Author Notes-

This little story was intentionally written in a style very similar to that of Kenneth Grahame. He has a nasty habit of injecting Latin into his works. Here are the translations:

dimittere: release

velut vincti caedebantur: as prisoners of fate

ultimo momento: the last moment

The Poor Mouse Who Sought Mersis

"The Poor Mouse Who Sought Mersis" A fable by T.K. Wade

A poor mouse pleaded to the goddess Mersis, “Please bestow upon me some gold that I may give unto others in need!” So touched by the mouse’s selflessness, Mersis did bestow upon him the gold he requested. The mouse then did indeed hand out the money to those in need; however, once his task was done, he bragged about his deed to increase his status among his rodent brethren. Mersis, presently disgusted by the mouse, took what little he had left and bestowed upon him a disease, which would quickly have him banished from civilization.

-Author Notes-

This story is set in what I call my "Tooth and Tail" universe where all the characters are rodents. This story references one of the goddesses known as Mersis. This is the goddess of mercy. I am unsure if she would actually do what she does in the second half of the fable; however, the story is intended to make a point which should be clear to the reader. Charity should always be given by one with a sincere heart; otherwise, it means nothing at all.

"A New Friend" has been published on Smashwords!

Great news! "Adventures in Cottontail Pines: A New Friend" is available FREE OF CHARGE on Smashwords! It can be downloaded in multiple formats at:

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/583258

Here is a synopsis:

Welcome to the magical town of Cottontail Pines, where animals talk, and there is always a friend around the corner. In this story entitled “A New Friend,” a new bunny named Koy moves into town, and as usual, Flopsy wants to be the welcome-wagon. She soon finds out that this Koy is very shy and cannot seem to enjoy himself around other animals. Never daunted, she tries her best to show him just how wonderful Cottontail Pines really is. Can Flopsy do it? Find out what happens in this cute new story by T.K. Wade!

Mustelidae Spotlight: Sea Otter

You know, my research into sea otters may have proved them to be the most popular. They are not my personal favorite, but I was rather astounded how much more material there was on them than with all the "otter" guys. It may be because they are endangered, and when cute and endangered come together, there tends to be a fair bit of outcry about it. That said, there really are a lot of interesting things to talk about concerning this mustie. So, let us begin!

The sea otter can only be found in the North Pacific Ocean on both the eastern and northern coasts. They average about 3 and a half feet in length. It may just be my opinion, but I always found their faces particularly odd to look at. It almost looks like they aren't even real--something like a plush animal that was just sewn together that way.

These musties are "otterly" unusual. For one, they are very competent with the use of their front paws. They can pick things up and hold them like hands. They can use tools like rocks to open up clams. It's actually rather odd to see them do it. All the other otters I have seen struggle in this area. Another really odd thing about these guys is that they have pouches like kangaroos. They are actually up on their chests which makes them seem like little pockets to put things in. Unlike kangaroos who put there babies in them, these pockets are actually there to put whatever the heck they want into them. Let's jabber about the pockets for a bit.

Sea otters spend a lot of time underwater catching fish, clams, and other sea life. If you think about it, the entire ocean is like a big buffet where you can just choose what you want. But who wants to come up to eat for each individual bit of food. That's one of the uses for those pockets. After they catch the food, they store it in the pocket and keep going until their pockets are full. It's "otter" brilliance! It is fun watching them float on their backs while they eat right off of their chest. How cute! These pockets also store a little rock in them that they use to break open the clams they find. Sea otters are like living, mobile tool chests! How awesome is that?!

I found their social habits both cute and disturbing. Like the North American river otters, they love intermingling with one another--males and females alike. The males are known for having multiple mates. The disturbing part has to do with the actual act of breeding. Without going into too much detail, it is shockingly a rough affair. I am serious. The males are quite horrible to their women. Often times, the females come out of it with bite marks all over. Some of the wounds never heal. Even worse, the male tends to shove her head under water during the act. It reminds me how dangerous libertine lifestyles can actually get.

I do not know of any sea otters in fiction, but I am willing to bet that they do exist. These musties are very popular. I think the most striking thing about these guys were their social behavior--especially when it came to mating. I imagine the men to be quite chauvinistic when it comes to their feminine counterparts. They are fishermen of course and likely were the first ones to invent a modern style of fishing reel. In this respect, they would also be mechanically inclined. Despite their smiles and friendly outward appearance, I see them having a dark side that comes out if they are pushed. What do you think? It would sure fit the Asian lore, wouldn't it?

It is clear that the sea otter proves to be one of the most fascinating of his brethren. The ocean is his smorgasbord, and he swims about taking what he wants. Like most of his type, he is out there to have fun and enjoy himself. That is why we love otters after all. Stay tuned for yet another otter next week. It's gonna be a big one. I "otter" know!

Thank you for reading this blog. If you enjoyed it, you can comment below, or you can email me at tooie@tooiekangaroo.com. Splish!

The Coyote and his Meal

"The Coyote and his Meal" A fable by T.K. Wade

A hungry coyote, having trapped a man in his den, was soon to slay and feast upon his flesh, however the man protested, “I forbid you to feast upon me. As a man, I possess a name, and those who are named are dominant over those who do not.” With a chuckle, the coyote replied, “Name yourself what you will, for by tomorrow, you will fill my belly.”

Pride is no saving grace.