As much as I spent looking for this new book to read, let's be entirely honest about it: I don't really know a damn thing about it. I mean... Yes. Yes. It has a lovely title and cover. I'll admit to spending days just looking it over, rather mesmerized by it's colorful splendor. I really should begin reading it.
...
Any time now.
...
I'm pretty much ready to go. I just need to wrap up this other one.
...
Wait. Which one was I going to read again? Oh, right. This one.
...
I think...
...
Good Lord! It's been a whole month!
All right. It's finally time to start this thing up. But I have to be thorough. Yes. I can't just go into a new book half-assed. The author went through a lot of pain and suffering trying to get this thing published. I have to make sure I fully recognize his vision! And so... I open the cover. I turn the first few pages.
Whelp, the copyright seems to be in order. Yep. Good job there. I could probably skip it. Yes, I should. I turn the page.
...
Actually, sometimes they leave little secret messages in copyright pages. I'll go ahead and read it real quick.
...
Nope. I wasted my time. Moving on.
Oh dear. This is always a difficult thing to encounter. A Forward. Have you ever seen one of these blasted little things? It's not like a Prologue. Oh, no. It's a Forward. This is a different kind of beast. Where it's true a Forward doesn't necessarily mean your book will be completely and entirely spoiled, somehow assuming you already know what's coming and just laughing away at all the major characters, situations, and plot points. Indeed, it might just be a personal friend of the author talking about all the good times and what not. It might be. I mean... it might just be that. Besides... why would they spoil a book at the very beginning? The author would never allow that. I'll just give it a read.
...
I've been betrayed. I've been absolutely betrayed. I didn't finish the Forward... but I saw a few mentionings that may have entirely destroyed my interest in the book. But... I may have just misunderstood. Maybe it was nothing. I mean really, who begins the second page of the Forward with "In the final scene where so-and-so does the thing"? Dear Lord! I've never even seen this book before. I'm here for the first time. How can they just assume I already know what's coming? Don't tell me about the ending right now! I haven't even started chapter one!
I put the book down. I take a deep breath. "It's okay," I tell myself. "What did you really see?" I ask me. "You stopped in time. You looked away before the spoiler really sunk in. Besides... that book cost you twenty dollars."
"I don't want to read it anymore!" I yell, pointing angrily at my own forehead.
"Shhh. Shhh. Yes, you do. You really do. Admit it. It's okay. Just pick it back up."
"No," I reject me.
"Here. I'll put it in your hand. There you go. Now, just open it back up and skip to the Prologue."
"Are there any spoilers in there?" I ask myself with much aprehension.
"There shouldn't be."
"Are you sure?"
"Shhh. Just read."
"Okay. Thank you."
Who needs to be thorough anyways? After all... I'm here for the story, aren't I? Yes. Yes, I am.
This blog was written on July 25, 2022.
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