Fairy Tale Spotlight: A Personal Analysis of Prayer

I have never really been that into praying or prayer in general. I didn't have anything against it per se, but it was mainly because I didn't really understand why people did it or why they should do it. I did accept that it was something found within the Holy Bible, but I tend to research one thing while endlessly sparing another from my view.

Recent events in history have made me reconsider what prayer is, and I knew it was going to come with a determination on whether I would be doing it or not. I had to weigh a lot of things concerning the act. I don't like performing any sort of rite that I have not personally put a lot of thought into. I have to know what I am doing... or at the very least... think I know what I am doing. Whether right or wrong, I have to have personal confidence in myself before I preach and also practice what I am preaching.

My concern for prayer was that it seemed that many people prayed because they wanted something. Even if the prayer was supposedly selfless, it could still feel like some sort off divine virtue signaling. I used to know a guy who openly (verbally) blessed evil people because it made him feel better than the evil person. We may talk about the word "bless" later, but the point is that he wasn't really doing anything good for anybody but himself.

I am sorry to say that I have struggled with the very concept of prayer for nearly my entire life. The few times I remember praying, I did so to absolve myself of a sin I committed only moments before doing so. That doesn't seem right to me now. I don't want to pray simply because I feel like I should. If I am going to do it, it has to be for the right reasons. But to understand the right reasons, I need to know why we should pray at all.

Another problem with myself is that a number of times I prayed I did so extremely emotionally. I cried out to God as tears fell from my eyes. It felt like the right thing to do at the time, but I look back on it and it just doesn't seem like I was really doing anything other than venting my sorrows to God with a few requests thrown in. It may not have been to the degree of divine virtue signaling, but it also seemed to me to be a tad redundant. I could have just as easily screamed into a pillow. I'm not sure God really wants to hear me wail like that. I sure wouldn't.

Now, I did figure some things out for myself... and I did pray recently. I did so in a very specific way, and I do want to explain it and why I did it. I want to explain it because I feel the need to publish my own personal findings on theological concepts on this blog when I find them out. But there is no escaping it: This blog is going to seem like I am being braggadocious about the fact that I pray at all. I shall politely ask you to attempt to look past that and simply read what I have to say. There may be some insight somewhere in this thing.

When I prayed recently, I did so in the stereotypical manner seen in paintings, drawings, and in some television shows. I knelt on the floor and pressed my hands together. I closed my eyes, bowed my head, and then I began to pray. There was a reason for me to adopt this position, but before I explain why, I need to give a personal opinion about prayer itself. That opinion is this: I think we can pray to God in any position we happen to be in. Ever since the curtain of the temple of ripped, we should have open communication to God. So if you are more the type who likes to God to him while making food or using the toilet, then I don't see how its necessarily invalidated.

So now back to the kneeling thing.

I am a bit overweight. It was not easy to kneel. Let's be honest. King Leonidas in the movie "300" was not just joking around. Kneeling is brutal on the knees especially when you are putting unnecessary weight on them. But this was the position I chose. I placed a pillow under my knees to help out with the pain [It did not really help at all.], and I leaned slightly over my bed as my hands were placed together. I also let my elbows rest upon the bed. This made the whole experience a bit easier to cope with.

I won't be telling you what I prayed about. That is between me and God. But I do want to explain why I chose this very common position. Before I made the decision, I considered this pose within my mind. I was showering actually. I was trying to figure out why that position was rather popularized in art and fiction. To paint the picture, I need you to use your imagination as I describe something.

Imagine a large room with many soldiers standing guard. At the back of the room is a very large throne. In this throne is essentially someone who rules over you... and you are standing before him. This ruler is supreme and can do whatever he wishes to you, but he has, for the time being, allowed you to do whatever you want while in his presence.

Now, you could just ask him for something. He'll let you do that, but let's do something a bit kinky first. We're going to kneel. We're going to kneel down onto our knees. And from there, we are going to press our hands together with our heads bowed. A funny thing happens when we do this thing. A spear lightly presses into our backs, a chain appears around our wrists keeping our hands together, and a little trickle of blood drips from our bowed head. "Why is that happening?" you may wonder. Well... it's not. As a matter of fact, you're perfectly free to stand up any time you choose.

I began to see that the very act of prayer can be a personal choice to subjugate oneself before someone greater than you. It is as if to say, "I am humbled in your presence. I am so far below you that I do not deserve the privilege that you have given me. I am but a man... and you are God." This position seems to symbolize ones true place in the universe in relation to God, and it is 100% optional. No pressure.

But I felt like I really did need to be humble if I was going to ask anything of God. And when I did ask something of him, I tried my best to be as intellectual as I could about it while still being a little bit spontaneous. I wanted to be calm. I wanted to be able to express myself so that I could understand what I was even doing.

Understand that I didn't kneel because it was painful. Honestly, it was painful because I eat too many sweets. I did it because I wanted to humble myself before God before I even began to make any sort of plea. And that is, in a nutshell, my insight into prayer. Yours may be different. I don't really know if I got it right. Either way, I have no regrets. After all... it was not for a lack of trying.

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