Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Spinoff, Part 8

Chris panted as he stepped back from the new shelves he had just built. “I’m finally done,” he said, dropping his hammer to the floor. “And it only took me fifteen years.”

“Oh, good. You’re finally finished, Slowpoke,” said God bumping Chris out of the way.

“Couldn’t you have just poofed the shelves onto the wall yourself?”

“Yep,” said God as he began putting various action figures up. “Hey, Lucifer! Come over here! There’s something I want you to see!”

The angel walked into the room and found a new set of shelves completely filled with little, plastic Samson people. “What is this?” he asked.

“It’s my new collection. Let me introduce you.”

“To these plastic people?” asked Lucifer.

“Yep! Okay, check out the first one here. This is Happy Rage Samson with donkey bone accessory. He’s one of the original. Comes with Philistine slaying action too. Just push that button on his back.” Lucifer pressed the button and watched as Samson’s hand went up and down, while laughing happily about the killing he was doing. “This is so much fun!” cried the little figure.

“Quaint,” said Lucifer.

“I know,” chuckled God. “And over here is Conversational Samson. If you press the button, he tells you how he feels.”

Lucifer pressed the button and Samson spoke in a prerecorded voice, “Your opinion doesn’t matter because I’m gonna kill you anyways!”

“A bit barbaric,” said Lucifer.

“Press it again,” grinned God.

Lucifer did, and Conversation Samson said, “Bow-ties are stupid!”

The angel groaned and asked, “Isn’t that a bit insulting to people who wear bow-ties?”

“Yep! And now for one of my favorites.” God pointed. “I present to you, Samson the Barbarian! It’s the same as regular Samson, only played by Arnold Schwarzenegger. Press the button.”

Lucifer clicked in the button and Samson pointed and shouted, “The Philistines have a bomb! Get to the choppa now!” God broke out into a fit of knee-slapping laughter.

“I’m not sure why you are bothering with all of these,” groaned Lucifer.

“Wait, I haven’t shown you the Samson-Mobile yet!”

“God, why do you persist in collecting these silly toys?”

“I’m a big fan is why. Samson has done nothing but make me smile ever since he popped out of his mother.”

“But he’s an idiot,” stated Lucifer.

“What’s your point?”

“He ate his own rattle at two months.”

“I’d like to see any other two-year-old who could eat a rattle. Look, Lucifer, I hate stupid humans like the best of them, but Samson is the perfect example of brawn over brain. He doesn’t care about all the stupid problems of everyone else. He just does what he wants because he can.”

“Reminds me of someone.”

“Me?”

The angel nodded. “The impulsiveness of it. He is a bully. After all, he throws his power around at the expense of others.”

“Glad you noticed,” smiled God. “But why are you speaking on behalf of that other guy?”

“Because I genuinely care for them.”

“Only as an extension of your own ego. You feel wronged by me; I get that. But sometimes you seem to forget that the only reason you get to talk to me at all is by privilege. If I want you it of you, you would be the same as the snakes slithering in the sand. All that you do and can do comes from me.”

Lucifer shook his head. “You don’t understand. I’ve done what I could to explain it to you, but you never listen. Your power may be great, but you take no responsibility for the things that you do. Thousands of people have died because of your Samson. If you really cared about your creation, you would have never put him in charge.”

God pointed at the table. “Listen well, Lucifer. Right now the only person in that swamp known as the Human Race that I care about is that one man. I don’t give a damn when any Philistine dies. What have any of your people done to deserve to live?”

“We were created,” said Lucifer. “And by dint of us never having a say in the matter, so too do we gain the right to live our lives in the way that we wish.”

God stared at Lucifer for a while. Soon he picked up his Professional Wrestler Samson figure and pressed the button. Samson pointed a finger at Lucifer and shouted, “It doesn’t matter what you think!” Lucifer groaned and walked out of the room. God looked down at his figure and squealed, “This one is my new favorite.”

To me continued.

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