Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Spinoff, Part 26

In the beginning, God was sitting in the room he had always sat in. Although, presently, he was lounging back in a lawn chair, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, and drinking grape juice out of a coconut.

“Why not coconut juice?” asked Chris who was dressed in full butler attire.

“It’s been done,” replied God. “Besides, if I’m gonna be retired, Jeeves, I should be able to do what I want.”

“Are you really retired? I mean, you still knocked around all those planets in the Cartwheel Galaxy.”

God looked up and lifted up his sunglasses. “I was playing pool.”

“Oh,” muttered Chris shyly.

God put down his shades and tried to relax again. “Besides… just because I have passed things onto my son doesn’t mean I can’t fiddle around here and there. Technically, I already have fiddled around with the whole Line. I created it; why shouldn’t I get to touch it once in a while?”

“I guess so. Do you miss Mr. Nobody?”

God, once again, looked up at his man-slave. “What the heck are you talking about, Alfred?”

“He’s gone to be with your son.”

“He’s still technically here… sort of.” He resumed his relaxation and sighed. “He’s busy. Never really liked talking to me anyways. I’d rather he just do what he wants than be irritated with talking to me all the time. We’re still in touch… but it isn’t the same as it was.”

“Why do you look so sad though?”

“Why do you look like Mr. Belvedere? Just leave the hard questions for me, and maybe your head won’t explode. Now be a good boy and get me some more grape coconuts.”

Before Chris could do anything, a familiar angel walked into the room. Chris jerked in surprise as he came face to face with one of the most beautiful angels ever. “Lu-Lu-Lucifer. I didn’t… I didn’t hear you come in.”

The angel simply glared down at the boy as if he was nothing but an annoying speck. Chris, not knowing what to do, said, “I’ll go get that grape coconut for you, sir.” He spun around, accidently ran into a wall, before righting himself and running out of the room.

God slapped his knee and laughed. “Slapstick never gets old, does it, Lucifer?”

The angel ignored God and sat down. It appeared that he was not in the mood to be amused. God just stared at him for a little bit before sitting up. “You sad you didn’t get your own lawn chair?”

“I don’t want a stupid lawn chair,” replied Lucifer.

God looked down at his coconut. He held it up and said, “You can have this if you want. I mean, it’s nothing but coconut now. I already sucked all the grape out of it… and licked it… but I’m sure it’s still good.”

“I don’t want any of your stupid things!” snapped Lucifer.

“You sure? Chris can bring you some if he hasn’t run into any more walls on his way to the kitchen.”

The angel glared at God. “Do you think it is funny when you mock me?”

God calmly replied, “Yes, Lucifer. I legitimately find it funny.”

The angel quickly turned towards the reclining God and said, “I put a lot of effort into my creations. You never respected them. You never appreciated them even once.”

“That’s only because they were, one, not actually creations and, two, incredibly stupid.”

Lucifer swiped with his hand as he yelled, “But I explained this to you with the vase!”

God rolled his eyes and was soon getting up to sit down in a regular chair. “Lucifer, please lay off the vase analogy. I’ve entirely run out of vases which is an incredible feat… being that I’m actually God. You need to just face the simple fact that your so-call creations are woefully inadequate. Didn’t we cover this with the whole Samson thing?”

“But this time you went too far,” accused the angel.

God chuckled. “I’m God, Lucifer. I can go as far as I want. What is this all about anyways?”

“Oh, you wouldn’t care.” Lucifer turned away and began to pout.

God furrowed his brow. He leaned over the table and tried to look at his angel. “I care.”

Lucifer side glanced God. “You do?”

“I mean… sometimes. Once in a while. Okay, let’s say, at least, once a year.” Lucifer glared. “Once every decade?”

“Ugh,” groaned the angel.

“Look, just tell me what’s bothering you. I’m retired. I have plenty of time.”

Lucifer looked, once more, at God. He said, “It’s the Cynocephaly.”

“What about them?”

“You made me kill them all.”

To be continued.

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