Fairy Tale Spotlight: The Book Hoard

My name is Jack. I'm a ferret. I am writing this now that I have come to the conclusion that I have... a problem. The location: the couch. Specifically, behind the couch. Originally, I had been putting things back there. Shiny things. Smelly things. You know, like keys, money, and used socks. The usual! But while I was roaming around my owner's library, something hit me. No, I am serious. Something actually hit me.

A book fell on my head and nearly killed me! I don't know where it came from. It was a direct hit, too. I was a little stunned but also completely on the defensive. I was noodling in various alpha tango loop-de-loop patterns in order to distract my enemy. I might have also had brain damage; I was never quite sure.

After making my way under a desk, I watched my attacker carefully. I'm not stupid. I know what a book is. It's a boring and dusty stationary object... AT LEAST I THOUGHT IT WAS! This thing pretty much deliberately tried to knock me out. Good thing I am so hard-headed. After a while of just staring at it warily, I soon came to realize that it wasn't going to move anymore. Apparently gravity was it's only power.

I decided that I needed to get a little revenge on it. My plan was to yank the thing back to my behind-the-couch hoard. But there were other books still there, and they still had the power of gravity behind them. I had to do it fast.

Three.

Two.

One.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

I nipped at the book cover and dragged it as fast as I could out of the room! I am pretty sure a million of the book's friends were falling all around me! It was chaos, I tell you! Pure chaos! Actually, I didn't actually see any books falling, but I was pretty sure it was happening. Why else would it have felt so intense?

Once I got the book squared away behind the couch, it made its final attempt to best me. It opened up. At first, I thought this was an attempt to attack me, but I think I might have accidently nudged it open. Carefully I peeked inside and found... a lot... and I mean A LOT of words. Like too many of them. They were just scurrying all around and dancing about on the pages. They were mocking me!

"Stop it!" I shouted at them. But they didn't listen! They just kept dancing around, laughing at me like I was some sort of idiot. I tried to bite them, but it didn't work. They were all flat against the page. I spent a good hour just screaming at them. That didn't work either.

I was at my wit's end. I had no more ideas but one. It was a stretch, but I had no choice. I attempted to "read" them. Yes, I, Jack the ferret, attempted to read the dancing words. At first, they just continued to laugh at me and dance, but I didn't give up. I wanted revenge so bad. But over time, the words began to stop dancing as much. It was working! I was beginning to read, and it was making the words straighten up! Woohoo!

I read every single word in that book to get all of them in line. That's when I realized that all the other books were probably in need of reading as well. If I didn't, they would probably jump off the shelf and hurt someone. It was their dancing, I reckoned, that was causing them to fall out of the shelves. One by one, I would dash into the library, and pull them back into my behind-the-couch hoard. Then I would open them up and read every single one of those stupid, dancing words.

The plan was to get all the books in the library behind the couch, and I got about halfway before the master of the house found out what I was doing. He was trying to take the books back! I was violently opposed! I screeched and snapped! I danced around in wild circles! I declared war on the entire universe! Who are these words that they should dance and fall down on people?! Who, I say?!

No matter how hard the master tried to remove the books, I always brought them back. I read all the words. I would look up defiantly when the master would glare. In his ignorance, he judges me! Show respect for your tiny savior! I am Jack, the great book tamer!

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This blog was written on December 4, 2022.

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