Monday, October 16, 2023

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Congratulations! You're an Angel!

Congratulations! You're an angel! You lived such an amazing life that God, in all of His wisdom, decided that He would make you an angel in the afterlife. I am sure you are very happy to hear this. He does this sometimes, especially to children who die very young or while fighting major diseases. Yes, many of them became angels for this very reason.

Now that you are about to begin your new journey, there are a few things you will need to understand. Please pay attention. It's all very important.

#1: You no longer have a soul. Yes, sorry. Had to do away with that. Having a soul is something only true humans get, and believe it or not... you aren't human anymore! God, in all of His wisdom, has completely transmogrified you into an angel, which is a different species. Your eternal birthright has been revoked, but don't worry because... you're an angel. You have vastly greater powers than any human was ever capable of. You're very bloodline was stripped from the stars themselves. It's great!

#2: You entirely answer to God and no one else... including yourself. Although you could revoke this privilege at the outset, we already suspect that you have given your heart to the service of God, and so He, in all of His Wisdom, have stripped you of all free will. You must now do anything and everything He wants like a good robot puppy. Isn't it great? Imagine using all of that Holy Power in doing nothing but exactly what you're told to do with it. Wow!

#3: Guard duty. There's a lot of that. Also sending messages. God, in all of His wisdom, needs messengers to talk to the actual humans who still have souls. You may also be tasked with killing some of them if you are of proper rank. But at the outset, you may just be tasked with standing in one place for the foreseeable future. And the best part of this is that you won't even be bored doing it because angels don't care about that sort of thing. You're still useful! You're just not doing much.

#4: Lastly, God, in all of His wisdom, has tasked you with helping the humans that still have their souls. In the New Heaven and New Earth, they will need assistance in completing their projects. Just do whatever they tell you to do. No, you can't have your own projects. That's not what angels are for. If they tell you to dance, you dance. Dance, monkey!

In conclusion, I really do think it is very good that some of you humans become angels when you die. Think about how much better you are for it. You get to lose all of your free will and do tasks for the poor non-angel people for eternity. It's great. It really it. Now, get to work!

[Also before you ask, you are not allowed to kill yourself. Being an an angel is forever.]

This blog was written on October 13, 2023.

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6 comments:

  1. Wonderfully and insightfully hilarious! Yeah, that fiction about dead humans becoming angels forgets to read the small print.

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  2. Yea, I always thought the idea was untrue. Like the story of Enoch becoming Metatron, it doesn't ring true. Enoch is dear to God why would he want to strip him of freewill and take away that which was endearing?

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  3. Angels are different beings entirely. The tendency is to humanize them and that misses the point. They were made for a specific purpose.

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    1. The idea is absurd, yet there was an actual TV show about it happening.

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