Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Comedy, Pt. 2

In the beginning, there was a man named Chris. Now, you may not know who Chris is. He is not really recorded anywhere. But just to be clear, this was one of the first humans who lived. No relation to Adam. Adam and Eve did not happen until later. God had to do a few human experiments before he got to those two. I say "a few" because I am not quite privy to just how many generations of the species he went through before he found the one he liked. So, let's just pretend that Chris came about at Experiment #3, Series #12, Model #4--you know... for the sake of clarity.

Chris had been fairly privileged in his lifetime. Of all the human beings of the universe, he got to hang out with God himself. Nobody else was allowed to do that. Just Chris and God--chummy chum chums.

One of the things God really loved doing with Chris was talking (or bragging) about all the things he created. Most of their meetings went a little something like this:

"Hey there, Billy!" greeted God as the familiar man walked in.

"It's Chris," said the guest.

God laughed. "Always the kidder! Seriously though, Anthony, I wanted to show you something amazing."

"Don't tell me. It's your table again, right?"

"No, not at all. But let me show you this amazing table! Come look at it and gaze upon what this amazing table holds on it."

"Is it the universe?"

"No, it is, in fact, the ENTIRE universe."

"Wow," replied Chris with a blush.

"I see you are shocked by my accomplishments, Wilbur."

"My name is Chris," said Chris.

"Yes, Ivan, everything you see on this table," said God, "was made by my hands." He leaned on the table. "Yep, all of it. Even the..." But he stopped, took his hand off the table, and looked at it with a cringe. "Whoops. And I really liked that galaxy." He wiped it off on Chris' shirt and patted him on the back. "So tell me, George, which is your favorite part of all of this?"

"Well," said Chris thoughtfully, "I kinda like that planet right there." He pointed.

God put his finger to the table. "You mean this one?! Oh crap, I did it again." Chris frowned as the planet he liked and surrounding system was wiped off on his shirt.

"I tell you what we should do," said God. "Let's play a game."

"What kind of game?" asked Chris.

"Chess."

"What's Chess?" asked the man.

"It's a game that I haven't invented yet, but I'm too excited to wait. Let me just set up the board." So down came a great and mighty board made of granite that slammed upon the table taking out 2/10ths of the universe in one fell swoop. God sat on one side, and Chris sat on the other. With a wave of his hand, the pieces appeared in all their appropriate places. And then God said, "Because I already know the rules and how to win it, I'm going to be generous and let you move first."

"But I don't even know the rules," said Chris.

"Not a problem, Ferdinand! I shall bestow upon your tiny brain the entire set of rules." He paused. "I can do that because I'm God."

And he was right. He really must have been God because, in an instant, Chris knew how to play Chess. "And I can go first?" asked Chris.

"Whenever you're ready, Klive."

And so Chris made the very first move ever made in Chess. Nope. It wasn't God. It was Chris. Chris did it. Forget everything you have ever learned in history. Chris made the first move. The only problem was that it was not the move that God expected him to make.

"Why did you do that?" asked God.

"Do what?" asked Chris.

"That move you just made. Why did you do that?"

"I dunno. I didn't really think it over too much. I figured one pawn was just as good as any other."

God pointed. "But why didn't you move that one there?"

"Well, I thought about it, but I didn't really think it would matter."

"Well, of course, it matters, Skylar! The whole game wouldn't even get started without the first move. The whole thing would just fall flat without it. I just don't see why it had to be that particular pawn. I mean, what are you trying to do to me?"

"I'm just playing the game," whimpered Chris.

God's eyes formed into slits as he glared at Chris. "Very... well. I'll let it pass." Slowly God reached forward and moved one of his pawns forward. Nervously, Chris reached out to touch a second pawn. God's eyes widened with anger. Chris drew back. He moved his hands across the pawns watching as God's face shifted around as if he was dialing up stations on a radio. Finally, and with much stress, Chris touched a pawn, lifted it up into the air, and carefully put it down one square forward. He let go of it.

God smacked the board so that everything flew all over the place. "Just forget everything, Arnold!" he yelled. To be continued.

Thank you for reading this blog. Did you enjoy it? Did you hate it? Either way, you can comment below, or you can email me at tkwadeauthor@gmail.com. You can also visit my website at www.tkwade.com. Thanks!