Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Comedy, Pt. 3

"In the beginning, there was nothing! But from that nothing came God! And God created man! And man rose up to do amazing things! One of which was the great Fenderin Empire!" Master Kanava Page stood before an uncountable number of his followers. he was both before him and broadcast across the planet of Dearth.

"Together," the great leader continued, "we have suffered much! We have gone through trials unimaginable! We have toiled and fought for the values that we have so dearly wanted since our initial creation! And what have we now?! Everything!" The crowd across the world all cheered. It was a roar of elation at reaching such a grand goal.

I do not blame these crowds for crying out in this way. Did you know that these people, who existed waaaaayyyy before recorded history, actually achieved world peace in only eight generations? That's pretty impressive if you consider we're still working on it. Also I know Dearth sounds somewhat similar to Earth, but it wasn't the same planet. Earth came later. Yes, I know this is a lot to take in, but I assure you that it won't hurt to listen. You see, in the end, it won't really affect you.

I gotta say, however, that much of this pre-pre-pre-pre-pre-prehistory knowledge is a lot to take in. God was involved in all these interesting little experiments throughout countless ages. Human cultures rose and fell, but statistically Dearth seemed always to be moving forward and up. The Fenderin Empire was what it ultimately became which was a rule accepted by everyone and enjoyed by all. Master Kanava Page was their leader, and everyone loved him. It really was quite remarkable.

"We have no war!" cried Kanava. "We have no strife! There is love in all of our hearts! We are ready to move on from this planet to seek out new life and new civilizations!" (Yes, he was the first to say that. Go figure.) "And we begin this great journey," he continued, "by unveiling our new and great symbol! Our mighty and powerful banner! Our flag! The symbol of all our struggles up to this point! I present to you, the flag of the Fenderin Empire!"

The world cheered as a green flag with various black lines in the middle was raised up. Everyone thought it was beautiful. This was it! This was the symbol of all they had worked for! How wonderful!

Ah, yeah. Well... things kind of go down hill from here. Just warning you. In fact, I don't even recommend that you read the next part. Entirely skip-able. It's really just there to get the record down of what happened. But yeah... If you really wanna read it, just keep going. I won't stop you.

Suddenly there was a beam of light amidst the crowds of cheering people. Everyone gasped and backed away. When the light faded, a lone man stood before everyone. Master Kanava Page knew exactly who this person was. He spoke, "My people! We have been given a very special visitor, for this is none other than the very personal friend and confidant of God himself! Chris! Please, come up here and speak!"

Everyone clapped as the man named Chris walked past them all and up to the stage. He did not really look all that happy. It was more like embarrassment and horror, but nobody really blamed him for that because he always pretty much looked like that. It was normal.

So Chris stepped before the world itself. He tapped on the mic a few times. It squealed. After taking a really awkward time to collect himself, he leaned forward and said, "Um... Look, uh... I'm really sorry, but I don't really have any good news. I don't even really wanna be here right now."

"What's the problem?" asked Kanava nervously.

"Yeah, about that. Apparently God isn't really satisfied with the Fenderin Empire. He's gonna be destroying the whole planet in about five minutes. I'm really sorry. I had nothing to do with it. I was totally on your side and everything, I swear."

There was a massive amount of confusion among the great crowds of Dearth. It did not make any sense at all. Master Kavana Page spoke up, "I don't understand. Why is he dissatisfied? We achieved peace. We're all happy and prosperous. We're about to travel out into space and everything. What is God's complaint?"

"It's the flag," said Chris.

"What? The flag? What's wrong with the flag?"

"He expected it would be blue. I mean... He really was hoping it turn out blue this time."

"This time?"

"Yeah. I mean... first it was yellow... then it was orange... There were a few times it turned out with purple polka dots. He just really, really wants it to end up blue."

Kanava gulped and said, "We... really don't mind changing its color to blue."

Chris groaned and shook his head. "It's too late. I'm sorry. He wants it to turn out blue normally. Really, I'm... just... so sorry. You don't know what he's like."

"But... there has to be something we can..." But Chris was suddenly gone in a bright flash. The sky suddenly began to get dark. Everyone looked up in horror as a finger the size of a galaxy was slowly barreling down upon them.

Splat.

God rubbed Dearth off on Chris' shirt and looked back at his table. "Okay, let's try this once more. For real this time!" He shouts, "Daddy needs a new pair of shoes! Come on, blue!"

To be continued.

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