Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Spinoff, Part 18

“I’m not sure what you mean,” said Lucifer.”

“I mean what I mean,” replied God.

“I think you ought to explain what you mean.”

“And what if I don’t explain what I mean?”

“Then… you’re just… being mean.”

God raised an eyebrow. “So you’ve noticed.”

Lucifer clenched his fists. “Tell me what you’re going to do.”

“Is that an order?” chuckled God.

“No. It’s a request.”

“Then say please.”

Lucifer trembled in a rage. “Puh-lease.”

God grinned. “Nope! You’re just gonna have to watch.”

A great sacrifice was being prepared at the temple of Dagon. Many Philistines showed up to celebrate. They all shouted, “Our god has delivered our enemy into our hands: the one who laid waste our land and multiplied our slain… and he also never apologized for it! It was really mean! We don’t like mean people! Mean people are bad!” It sort of just went on like this.

And so it came to pass that the happy crowd of Philistines called out for the man of the hour to be presented to them, “Bring out Samson to entertain us! We want to laugh at his face! After all, he’s been subdued and can no longer hurt us! What could possibly go wrong?!”

Lucifer stared at the table as he, very carefully, slipped his hand into his jacket. Pulling out his cellphone, he hit the speed dial for Dagon. However God gently lifted the cellphone out of the angle’s nervous hands. God grinned and said to him, “Let me tell you a story about a vase.” God then crushed the phone within his hand.

Samson was brought out before the crowds of laughing and jeering Philistines. They threw things at him and spit in his face. The man just took all the blows as he was held there. But then he turned his head slightly and proceeded to ask one of the servants, “Put me where I can feel the pillars that support the temple, so that I may lean against them.”

As Lucifer watched Samson move over to the pillars, God took the angel’s hand, placed the destroyed cellphone into the palm, and said, “Enjoy your paperweight, Lucifer.” The angel gazed into the eyes of God, and as great of an entity as he was, he felt very small in that moment. And was likely because he really was.

Samson placed a hand to each pillow as the people jeered and spit upon him. The temple was filled with thousands of men and women. There were even some dancing upon the roof. The blind man faced the ceiling and cried out, “Sovereign Lord, do you remember me?!”

“Yes,” muttered God as he looked down upon him.

“Please, God, strengthen me just once more, and let me, with one blow, get revenge on the Philistines for my two eyes.”

God leaned back and sighed in deep thought. He muttered, “Revenge.”

Lucifer breathed heavily as he looked at him. He seemed to want to speak but could not find the words. God grinned and nodded. “I love the idea. Besides… I rather loved his eyes.” He picked up one of his many action figures and looked into the plastic eyes. “So manly. So uncaring. They really were good eyes. Maybe he really did deserve to die… but those eyes. We really should make reparations for those eyes.” God grinned as he looked at Lucifer. “I’m sure you would agree to that being… fair. Eh, Lucifer?”

The angel grit his teeth and looked back at the table. Samson’s hair had somehow grown back. And as everyone laughed and jeered, Samson pressed the palms of his hands to the pillars and began to force them apart. As he did so, he cried out with a fury that he had never felt in all of his life, “Let me die with the Philistines!”

“Do it,” said God with a grin.

There were so many people within that temple. Thousands upon thousands. They had all been laughing and drinking and making merry. But there came a point where many of them came to the realization that something… wasn’t… right. Samson heaved the pillars apart until they began to collapse. The building quickly began to crumble. People were dying in masses all around him, and he saw it. He saw them all die. He was blind and yet he saw it. He grinned and even laughed as so many men and women were crushed, mangled, and utterly obliterated by the falling debris. More people died in the falling temple than he had ever killed within the whole of his life. And he saw it. And so did Lucifer. The angel watched in horror as his people were slain in one fell swoop.

God leaned on the edge of the table with a smile on his face as he watched disaster unfold. Samson looked up in his final moments. Their eyes met, they both smiled, and then Samson was gone.

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