Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Spinoff, Part 19

In the beginning, God had been contemplating the success and failures of his creation. He scrutinized the Line from beginning to end and spent much time tallying up points on both sides of the argument. But God could not help but worry if he had made a mistake. He often worried that.

“I still don’t know why you bother with them,” said Mr. Nobody.

God gazed upon the Holy Spirit. “Are you talking about the golden calf thing again?”

“Should there be any other example? You should have given up on them long before that point, but… that should have dissuaded you entirely. I’m beginning to think that you are as stupid as they are.”

God sighed. “Not everybody is as bad as they are. Granted, the Israelites are really stupid. I mean really stupid.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “So… incredibly… stupid.” He took a deep breath and released it. “But that is neither here nor there. The point is that they don’t represent the entire flock.”

“So what’s the percentage then?” asked Mr. Nobody.

“Of stupid to not stupid?”

“Yes.”

Something around 4.5% of the whole population are… what I’d call… not… entirely… completely stupid.”

“You actually did the math?”

“Yes,” replied God. “That’s what I got before my calculator broke.”

“You created a calculator that still broke?”

“Yes, I am really that amazing.”

There was a knock at the door. “Ah, just sit tight. I’m having guests over.”

“Not like I had anywhere to go,” grumbled the Holy Spirit.

As God proceeded to the front door of the room, he ran into Chris who was wearing a French maid’s outfit. “Oh, good. There you are, Gertrude. Did you get all the snacks ready?”

“I’ve been cooking them for weeks,” replied Chris. “I burned myself a bunch and lost an eyebrow.”

“That doesn’t really answer my question, Genevieve.”

Chris sighed. “Yes, I finished making the food.”

“Great! I’ll give you some skin grafts or something later. For now, I have guests to entertain.”

Chris groaned and went to go get the platters of meats and cheeses. God went to the door and opened it up. Before him stood a number of angels, the first of which was Lucifer himself. “Lucifer,” greeted God with a smile. “Glad you decided to show up with all your idiot friends. Come inside. I hired a French maid and everything.”

“You did?” queried the angel.

God leaned in and whispered, “It’s really just Chris in a dress.”

“I see,” muttered Lucifer. Turning to his angel friends, he signaled for them all to come in. A party soon began and everyone ate and made merry, while Chris wondered about serving everybody while wearing a dress. But there came a point where God and Lucifer became secluded from the others as they sat before the great table of which contained the universe. “Mind if we have a chat?” asked Lucifer.

“I’ve got nothing better to do,” grinned God.

“Not busy taking care of your creations?”

“I can take a break. Where have you been since I last saw you here?”

“We’ve been going hither and thither about the earth. We looked at things, observed this and that.”

“Find much of it interesting?”

“Not really, if I could be honest.”

“All right,” said God with a nod. “But I was wondering…”

“Yes?”

“Have you heard of a man named Job?”

To be continued.

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