Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Comedy, Pt. 6

In the beginning, there was God. And he was extremely pleased as he sat aside Chris. Decisions were coming to him finally and he was all a twitter with ideas. "He really is a class act," said God. "I've watched just about every show."

"The last one was kind of nice," said Chris.

God raised an eyebrow. "Kind... of... nice? What the heck are you talking about, Richard? It was bloody brilliant. Those moves! Those leaps! It was genius! The whole universe should watch him dance and bow before him and his majesty!"

"But he isn't God," said Chris.

God sighed and nodded. "You have a point there, Jerry. Mr. Nobody isn't God. But maybe he should be. Maybe that's the thing I've been missing."

"Excuse me," said somebody.

"Not right now. Alvin and I are busy talking. Now, if I allow Mister Nobody to become God, that means there will be two Gods. So I figure this might get a little confusing if we aren't related or something."

"Is he related to you?" asked Chris.

"No, I just turned him into a person. He's still who he is. I didn't wanna touch a single hair of who he was. That's what makes his dancing so great."

"Why does he have to be related to you?"

"Because people can relate to him better if he is related to me, Micheal! You would know that if you weren't such an idiot! Now, what should our relationship be?"

"Um... Excuse me?" came the voice again.

"Seriously, don't be rude," said God. "We're in the middle of a discussion!"

Chris asked, "Can he be like a brother or something?"

God considered it. "God the Brother? No. What about God the Uncle?"

"Do people ever relate to their uncles?" asked Chris.

"No. What about God the Cousin, Twice Removed. People may respect the complexity of it, and I can come up with a whole backstory for it."

"I think people would dislike the complexity actually," said Chris.

"Who asked you, Phillip?!" yelled God. "But yes, it does seem like it would be too complex."

"What about God the Son?"

"No, can't do it. Slots already reserved for later. Damn. Why is this so hard?"

"Please, can I say something?" said someone else in the room.

God huffed. "Hey! Shut up! We are trying to talk about important things! Holy heck! Just sit down and wait your turn!"

Chris remarked, "I'm not so sure Mr. Nobody needs to be related to you. I mean... realistically, he isn't. You just found him on your table."

"Devin, just let me think for a second. Your voice... It just gets annoying after hearing it for so many years."

"Eee haw," said Chris.

"Yes, that's better. Now I was just thinking that maybe Mr. Nobody doesn't really even qualify to be my relative. After all, I just sort of ran across him on my table."

Chris groaned. "Then how will he become God?"

"By becoming my spirit, of course. Mister Nobody will become the Holy Spirit. He is not one of me and I am not one of him, but he shall be my guiding principle from now on. That is how it will be."

"Why him though?" asked Chris.

God looked at Chris and said, "The answer to that is simple, Barney. He's just... so... cool."

Mr. Nobody finally had had enough. He shouted, "Don't I get any say in any of this at all?!"

God looked at Mister Nobody and pursed his lips, "Nope, not really. If you got a problem with that, just check in with Chris. He's been dealing with me since the beginning."

Mister Nobody leaned over and looked at Chris to see if there was any hope. Chris sighed and just shook his head. Leaning back in his chair, Mister Nobody groaned and said, "Oh no."

To be continued.

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