"I remember them," replied Chris. "I still got all the stains on my shirt."
"Yes, you do. I see that."
"Can I please change into something cleaner?"
"No. So my point is that I had a habit of just wiping things out, but I decided to stop doing that after meeting Mr. Nobody. But now there is a problem."
"What's the problem?" asked Chris.
"It's quite simple, Jerrod." God then yelled, "I'm just dying to do it again!"
"But you made a promise," warned Chris.
"Did you just warn me, Marty?"
"Um. No. Why would you say that?"
"The author of the blog clearly used the word 'warn'."
"He did?"
"Yes."
"I'm sorry."
God groaned. "The humans of this experiment are exceedingly stupid. And I know I promised myself that I wouldn't destroy it all again, but... I mean... Look at them! Look at these idiots! What are those men doing with that goat?! I just... I mean... WHAT?!"
Chris replied, "But if you made a promise not to destroy everything, maybe those things just have to happen for everything to eventually go right."
"It's a goat, Floyde!"
"I know but..." Chris paused. "Wait, what are you doing?"
God was standing over his table as he unzipped his pants. "Just taking a leak. I'll be done in about 40 days."
*****
Chris caught God grumbling next to the table which was also the universe. "What's the matter, God?"
"The humans are being stupid again," God replied.
"What did they do this time?"
"They are building a giant nipple or something. No, actually I think they are trying to get up into this room."
"That would be impossible," reminded Chris.
"I know, but its the principle of it that bothers me. Who was the Nimrod who had this idea anyways?"
"Well, I wouldn't worry about it, God. They wouldn't really be able to make it anyways."
"What was that, Henry?"
"¿Qué?"
"Say again?"
"¿Lo entiendes?"
God smiled. "Hey look! They're all giving up on the giant nipple! Isn't that great, Ludwig?!"
"¿Qué?"
"What?"
"¿Qué?"
*****
"They're at it again, Pamela!" shouted God.
"¿Qué?"
"STOP TALKING LIKE THAT!!!!"
"Sorry," frowned Chris. "What are they doing now?"
"Some place called Sodom. It's even worse than before. Look there. What is that? What are those two men doing? Don't they know anything about biology?! It doesn't work that way! How is he going to get pregnant?! AND THERE'S THAT GOAT AGAIN!"
Chris sighed. "Maybe they are just experimenting or something. I don't think they... Wait. What are you doing?"
God was shining a flashlight into a magnifying glass. "Hahahaha. Stupid ants." To be continued.
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Well, he didn't destroy EVERYTHING. He did have some fun with the pesky little ants, though. The Flood, Babel and Sodom-and-Gomorrah scenes were grimly hilarious. Poor Chris. Interesting that bringing Mr. Nobody into the grand scheme changed the rules God decided to play by.
ReplyDeleteNobody had a chance no matter what they did before the Holy Spirit.
DeleteHuman history is full of shameful acts. So, sometimes you just need to start over. Floods, the confusion of languages, and fire are all ways to do that.
ReplyDeleteBUT AT WHAT COST?! Actually never mind. It doesn't matter. People like me cannot judge him.
DeleteThe Flood was the most hilarious part for me, of course the giant nipple was funny as well. This sums up why God facepalms everytime humanity defies God. "And there's that goat again" Haha... lucky for the "ants" God isn't going to wipe them all out...
ReplyDeleteI know the part about the goat sounds funny, but its actually a crucial part of it. It happened. Oh, yes. It really happened.
Delete