Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Comedy, Pt. 4

In the beginning, there was God. And he sat at a table that had nothing on it. That nothing was the universe. It had, in the past, been many things, but for the time being it was nothing. He had wiped it clean as of the last failed cycle and now just stated at it miserably.

"This is how it all began," said God. "It was just a great big nothing. There was no up. There was no down. There was no in. There was no out. There was not even any time to move things along. It was an eternity of nothingness and I had the privilege to just stare at it."

"Kind of like you're doing now?" asked Chris.

"Yes," replied God. "Kind of like I am doing now. Because I just don't understand what the heck I am trying to do. Every time I create a plan, the plan never works out the way I think it will. And I do not understand why I should be creating anything at all if things aren't going to go my way. I am God. Things should always go my way. Isn't that the point?"

Chris blushed. "Things don't always go my way."

God glared momentarily at Chris. "What's your point?"

"I mean... I empathize with you. Things don't normally go my way."

"Are you God, Jimmy?"

"Um, no. I'm just Chris."

"Then why in the world does it matter if things don't go your way? That's something that should only happen to me."

"But it isn't though," whimpered Chris.

"What do you know about anything?" asked God of Chris. "You're just a creation of mine. I can make you do anything I want. You're just my meat puppet. I can prove it too. Bray like a donkey, Gary!"

"Eee haw," replied Chris who was perfectly humiliated by the act.

"See?" continued God. "You're really a nobody when it comes down to it. Only my decisions matter. And whenever I make a decision involving you humans, it never quite goes the way I want. And so I have to destroy all of you over and over and over again."

God groaned miserably as he looked at his empty table. "I just don't understand what is so wrong with you people, Harold. I give you a simple bit of programming, and all you do is disappoint. What makes you people so independent?"

"I'm sorry," said Chris. God glared at him. The human corrected, "I mean... Eee haw."

"See?! See there?! You can't even donkey correctly!"

"I did my best," whimpered Chris.

"Maybe, this should be the end of it," grumbled God. "Maybe I should just go back to sitting here and staring at the nothing. Maybe nothing is just... better. I give up. I'm all alone."

"I'm still here," said Chris.

"You don't count. In reality, I am all alone in the universe. Nobody is out there who can help me. I just... give... up." He proceeded to stare at the nothing like he had done for so many ages before falling on his ass the first time.

But here Chris happened to notice something. "Wait, do you see that?"

"What is it, Pete. Can't you see I'm incredibly busy doing nothing?"

Chris pointed. "Right there. What is that?" God looked at the table where Chris was pointing. His eyes widened. To be continued.

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