Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Comedy, Pt. 8

In the beginning, God created man. And he did with man as he wished. Some of it was good, and some of it was bad. But all that he did was his own works and so none of it could be contested. He was God, and that could not be debated or changed in any way.

For example, there was once a man by the name of Reubin who did not like how the world was being managed. And so he invented a device that was something like our modern telephones. With this device he found a way to give God a call.

God picked up and answered, "God of the cosmos and everything in it. How can I help you?"

"Everything sucks," said Reubin.

God jotted down the complaint with a pencil. "Mmhmm. And how long have you been having this problem with my world?"

"Since always," said Reubin. "I'm sick and tired of all the bull crap! Freaking fix this horrible thing!"

"And your name is who?"

"This is Reubin."

"R-U-B?"

"No, It's R-E-U-B-I-N."

"I-N?"

"Yeah."

God replied, "Okay, I took down your information and complaint."

Reubin then asked, "So what are you gonna do about it?"

"Oh, nothing," said God. "I just wanted to make sure my pencil worked."

"But what about the problems I have with the universe?!"

God's reply, "Did you know your name sounds like a sandwich?"

"God!" shouted Reubin. "This isn't funny! A lot of things are really bad down here! Some people are rich and others stay poor! It hurts to live and breath. Work is hard! And war is rampant across the globe!"

"What did I have to do with any of that?" asked God.

"You're God!"

"So? Did I tell you all to create wars and whine about little things that don't matter? Seriously, did you know you were named after a sandwich?"

"That's it! I'm calling the Better Business Bureau on you! Life under you is way too unfair!"

"Unfair? As apposed to being what? Fair? What the heck is fairness?"

"Wait," said Reubin. "How can you not know what fairness is?"

God replied, "Sorry, Reubin. Your name is making me hungry. Also I actually don't care about your problem. Bye." God hung up the phone and sat there thinking for a moment. "Fairness? Did he just make the word up? What's it even mean?"

"Pardon me," came a voice from nearby.

God looked up and saw his highest ranked angel. "Lucifer! To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"We need to talk," returned Lucifer. "I have some ideas I want to throw past you."

"What sort of ideas?"

"It has to do with... fairness." To be continued.

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