"This just isn't working out, Lucy," said God to Chris.
"What isn't?" asked the somewhat worrisome human.
"You and I. I can't seem to figure out what to do. I don't really want to kill you or anything. It's just a bit difficult to keep up with you and what not. Didn't I forget to fill your feeding bag yesterday?"
And so God looked towards other avenues for good companionship. He found it purely by chance by way of Mr. Nobody. But that companionship was oddly one-sided.
"And then Chris said to me, 'I really wish I didn't have to eat out of that stupid feed bag. I'm not really a donkey. I'm a human being!' And then I said to him, 'There's a difference?!' Ha!"
Chris stepped back into the room just as God finished his joke. "Who are you talking to?"
"Who does it look like I'm talking to?" asked God. "Mr. Nobody, of course!"
"But you taped his mouth shut."
"Oh, I had to," groaned God. "All he does is complain that I kidnapped him."
"But you did kidnap him."
"I'm sorry, Freddy, but I am not quite getting your point. Have you been getting enough hay in your diet?"
And so it came to pass that Chris' point did eventually become clear to God. He realized that he probably should create companions that were more interesting to him than both Chris and Mr. Nobody. He worked really hard at it and ultimately created a creature that was fascinating on multiple levels.
"It's a robot basically."
"What's a robot?" asked Chris.
"Why do you always ask stupid questions, Ken?! Just let me explain. This obedient being which stands before you now is called an angel. He is programmed to act according to his nature in all things and never to... um... not do that. Say hi to him, Gunther."
"Hello," greeted Chris to the angel.
The angel peered down at the tiny human before looking back at God saying, "Do you wish for me to kill him?" Chris was suddenly frightened.
God laughed. "No! No! That isn't necessary. At least, right now."
"Right now?!" worried Chris aloud.
"Don't mind him," said God to the angel. "He's not been getting enough fiber in his diet. Backs him up and he gets like this."
God really loved his angels and so he made as many of them as he could. They spent much of their time singing beautiful choruses before God. Chris and Mr. Nobody were always invited to stay and listen. Not always speak, but at least listen.
"They really do have great voices," remarked Chris.
"Yes, I know," smiled God. "I really seem to have won out with this one. It's very relaxing and allows me to concentrate on my human-based creative endeavors. But what I really love is how great they are at killing things."
Chris gulped. "Killing?"
"Oh, they are amazing at it. Gabriel there is particularly great at it. Very creative. Where Micheal's technique--there on the right-- is particularly gory. I still can't help but laugh at what he does to the head when it pops off."
"What about that one there?" pointed Chris.
"Oh, that's sort of the black sheep of the group, Joss. He just sort of kills people randomly. I haven't figured out the pattern yet. Thinking about demoting him."
"Okay," grunted Chris. "But who is that really pretty one in front?"
"Oh, he's a special one!" smiled God. "I just can't stop promoting him. Best of the whole bunch."
"Does he have a name?"
"Of course, he does, Paul. He shines brighter than all the others. And so I called him Lucifer. Let's be honest, that one will never let me down." To be continued.
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REALLY GREAT AT KILLING THINGS! "Should I kill him?" Grimly hilarious. Angels as technical perfection as people is accurate. God never silences his Spirit, however. It's more like collects his messages by keeping the tapes but never calls back. He listens to the messages as if to music... much to the chagrin of the Spirit.
ReplyDeleteGod adores who Mr. Nobody is but is uninterested in his complaints. When he makes a decision, he goes with it. So yes he is listening to him on a deeper level than the top layer.
DeleteGod is determined to be in control. So, ultimately that means he is alone. All the robots in the universe will not change that fact.
ReplyDeleteThere is an undertone in this reply that suggests that you have something against God. But its confusing because everything you are ultimately came from him. So I am not sure you really have a basis to complain. XD Forgive me if this sounds insulting but I have a wonky way of looking at these things. I see the silliness in it but ultimately I consider his choices to be righteous because he is God.
DeleteA hilarious take on the creation of the Angels, of course "Gunther" should be afraid these beings are killing machines who carry out the will of God. You conveyed the optimism and pride God had in Lucifer very well.
ReplyDeleteOh, he was most proud of him! Lucifer was a big, big deal.
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