Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Comedy, Pt. 5

In the beginning, there was a table. And on this table was the entire universe. Within this universe was absolutely nothing. This had not always been the case. There had been things there before. But God had never been content with any of it, and so all that had been created had hence been destroyed. And so, as it had been in the very beginning, it was the same in the present. Nothing.

Now, within this nothing there was a something. This thing was a living thing with a mind that never thought and eyes that never saw. This being, as we shall call it, also had a body that was indefinite and motion that was indeterminate. It was one with the nothing, and it itself was actually nothing. This being neither cared for or was even aware of things beyond itself. It was alien. It was entirely separate from the universe of nothing. It was not a creation of God but a small particle of the grains of the table on which the universe did lie. This being did not have a name or identity, and for that reason, we shall refer to it (or him) as Mr. Nobody.

What I have done in that last sentence is actually impossible. This being was without thought or understanding. It had no identity. It knew not words and had no feelings. It was entirely a shadow and never acted on anything that surrounded it. But to give something a name is in an effort to make this narrative more clear. For even to use gender-less pronouns would still be too much for this entity. Mr. Nobody had no gender. He was not human. He was not God. He simply was what he was, and everything that he was belonged to him... and it was good this way. Mr. Nobody was not happy or sad, but he was content without knowing what contentment even was.

Despite being an indefinite entity entirely alien to the cosmos, Mr. Nobody did have a hobby. He made use of his time by way of the art of interpretive dance. "How does a faceless entity without a form participate in such things," you may ask. It is very simple. Yes, that is the answer and the explanation, for this being was as simple as simple could be. To exist and do was one in the same. To dance was to walk and to run was to leap. It was all the same, and he did these things to his contentment for that was what he did, and he always did what he did even if he didn't.

Since the beginning of eternity (which never really had a beginning), Mr. Nobody performed his dance one step at a time throughout the grains of the table. He leapt, ducked, spun about, and shifted in just the way he wished. There was no praise to be had because no one knew he existed, and he did not even understand the concept of other people. He only knew him. His entire universe was himself. Everything that he desired... was himself. His contentment was his dance, and his dance was his universe. He wanted for nothing. In this sense, he was happy that he could exist and dance within the endless emptiness of his mind and that it would remain this way for eternity.

Now, there came a day where everything had changed for Mr. Nobody. For an eternity, he had never had a thought, a feeling, or spoke even one single words. He was simply a shadow dancing about on the table which was the universe. But on this one day, Mr. Nobody suddenly heard a sound. And this is the sound that he heard, "Wow! Bravo, sir!"

Mr. Nobody suddenly realized that he was hearing words. And strangely, he understood them. "Wow!" was an expression of surprise and delight. "Bravo" was a word used to give praise. "Sir" was a way to address a man. Mr. Nobody somehow knew these things despite never learning words or even caring to. It made no sense. It did not even make any sense to him that he could not make sense of it. Every aspect of hearing those words were preposterous to Mr. Nobody on the basest of levels.

It was at this point that the very first morbid curiosity formed. Mr. Nobody turned to see this thing that spoke despite having no interest in it whatsoever. And there before Mr. Nobody was God. God was sitting upon a set of bleachers with a hot dog in one hand and a bag of popcorn in the other. Upon realizing that Mr. Nobody was looking directly at him, God put down the popcorn to pick up a blue flag with Mr. Nobody's face on it. He waved it about and cheered, "Encore! Encore!"

Mr. Nobody had never spoken in all of his life, but now he knew words. He looked down and saw two hands and two feet. He reached up and felt a face. It was a face that had never existed until that moment. He had suddenly become an individual. He was a real, thinking person. Mr. Nobody was alive and living and standing before God who appeared to be his biggest fan.

And it was in this moment of revelation that Mr. Nobody spoke the very first words of his entire existence. And lo, his words were as follows:

"Oh no."

To be continued.

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