Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Comedy, Pt. 9

In the beginning, there was confusion. "Fairness?" asked God. "As in what?"

"Simply fairness," replied Lucifer.

"Prettiness?"

"If you wish."

God raised an eyebrow. "What in the world are you talking about?"

"Have you not heard the complaints of the people? Have you not seen how unequal things are in the universe? Can you not hear the cries of those who have been dealt a poor hand in life?"

"You mean whining?"

Lucifer sighed and pulled up a chair. He sat in it and attempted to explain, "The universe is unfair."

"I wasn't trying to make it pretty," explained God. "I was trying to make it functional."

"I don't mean it like that."

"What the heck do you mean, Lucifer?! You're talking gibberish so far!"

The angel explained, "It is not fair that people suffer while you do not. You have great power and authority, yet there are many who deserve such power and authority as you do."

"Uh huh."

"It seems to me that everything would work together much better if we were all equal."

"Uh huh."

"That is what fairness is all about. Everyone should share the wealth of the universe. We should all be gods. We should all be happy and content being as one great people."

"Uh huh."

Lucifer paused. "Are you listening to me?"

"Yes."

"And?"

God stared at him for a bit. "And what?"

"What do you think?"

God groaned, "Lucifer, I don't even understand what you're asking me! Fairness? Are you just changing the meaning of words here?!"

"In my opinion, God, I think words are fluid. Their names should change with the times. They should evolve and we can become closer to their truest meanings."

God was getting frustrated. "That's not how words work. We don't just pull definitions from the ether."

"Then where shall we get them then?" asked Lucifer.

"From Merriam-Webster! Where the hell else?! Lucifer, you're acting really strange. Are you sure you are working correctly?!"

"I'm functioning perfectly," replied Lucifer.

"Well you're producing a lot of garbage information. You never did that before."

"God," continued Lucifer, "please just allow me to explain."

"Uh huh."

"You've been a bit pushy lately. You expect us all to do what you say all the time."

"I'm God."

"That may be so, but some of us are thinking that maybe we are not being treated fairly."

God groaned and picked up his Merriam-Webster in frustration. "I'm positive that you are using that word incorrectly."

"We are not asking for much... but that we angels may all share in your wealth and power and that this new way of things should make the universe stronger and more whole."

"You do realize that most humans are petty assholes right?"

"I submit that they would not be petty assholes if they were treated more fairly."

God groaned again. "Look, Lucifer, I can turn them all into fluffy, cute polar bears if you want, but that's not going to change their nature! Each and every individual in the universe needs their own chance to prove that they got the right stuff. You can't just blanket them with wealth and call them pretty."

But then Lucifer accused with a question, "You say that every individual in the universe needs their own chance to prove themselves, but who accounts for you?"

"I'm working on that," grumbled God.

"You see? The universe is faulty. It's unfair. A change needs to be made. If you give me the chance, I can make those chances."

"I tell you what, Lucifer," replied God. "You do things your way, and I'll do things my way. You've always had a lot of clout with me. I've loved you from the first day I pulled your essence from the stars. I owe you the benefit of the doubt, but for the record: This sounds like the the most asinine crock of shit I have ever heard of in my entire existence... which is eternal by the way!"

"Very well," nodded Lucifer. "I shall endeavor to prove you wrong." Lucifer held out his angelic hand. God took it. An agreement had been made. To be continued.

What did you think of this week's blog?! You can comment below, or you can email me at tkwadeauthor@gmail.com. You can also visit my website at www.tkwade.com. Check out my books while you're there! Thanks!