Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Comedy, Pt. 2

In the beginning, there was a man named Chris. Now, you may not know who Chris is. He is not really recorded anywhere. But just to be clear, this was one of the first humans who lived. No relation to Adam. Adam and Eve did not happen until later. God had to do a few human experiments before he got to those two. I say "a few" because I am not quite privy to just how many generations of the species he went through before he found the one he liked. So, let's just pretend that Chris came about at Experiment #3, Series #12, Model #4--you know... for the sake of clarity.

Chris had been fairly privileged in his lifetime. Of all the human beings of the universe, he got to hang out with God himself. Nobody else was allowed to do that. Just Chris and God--chummy chum chums.

One of the things God really loved doing with Chris was talking (or bragging) about all the things he created. Most of their meetings went a little something like this:

"Hey there, Billy!" greeted God as the familiar man walked in.

"It's Chris," said the guest.

God laughed. "Always the kidder! Seriously though, Anthony, I wanted to show you something amazing."

"Don't tell me. It's your table again, right?"

"No, not at all. But let me show you this amazing table! Come look at it and gaze upon what this amazing table holds on it."

"Is it the universe?"

"No, it is, in fact, the ENTIRE universe."

"Wow," replied Chris with a blush.

"I see you are shocked by my accomplishments, Wilbur."

"My name is Chris," said Chris.

"Yes, Ivan, everything you see on this table," said God, "was made by my hands." He leaned on the table. "Yep, all of it. Even the..." But he stopped, took his hand off the table, and looked at it with a cringe. "Whoops. And I really liked that galaxy." He wiped it off on Chris' shirt and patted him on the back. "So tell me, George, which is your favorite part of all of this?"

"Well," said Chris thoughtfully, "I kinda like that planet right there." He pointed.

God put his finger to the table. "You mean this one?! Oh crap, I did it again." Chris frowned as the planet he liked and surrounding system was wiped off on his shirt.

"I tell you what we should do," said God. "Let's play a game."

"What kind of game?" asked Chris.


"What's Chess?" asked the man.

"It's a game that I haven't invented yet, but I'm too excited to wait. Let me just set up the board." So down came a great and mighty board made of granite that slammed upon the table taking out 2/10ths of the universe in one fell swoop. God sat on one side, and Chris sat on the other. With a wave of his hand, the pieces appeared in all their appropriate places. And then God said, "Because I already know the rules and how to win it, I'm going to be generous and let you move first."

"But I don't even know the rules," said Chris.

"Not a problem, Ferdinand! I shall bestow upon your tiny brain the entire set of rules." He paused. "I can do that because I'm God."

And he was right. He really must have been God because, in an instant, Chris knew how to play Chess. "And I can go first?" asked Chris.

"Whenever you're ready, Klive."

And so Chris made the very first move ever made in Chess. Nope. It wasn't God. It was Chris. Chris did it. Forget everything you have ever learned in history. Chris made the first move. The only problem was that it was not the move that God expected him to make.

"Why did you do that?" asked God.

"Do what?" asked Chris.

"That move you just made. Why did you do that?"

"I dunno. I didn't really think it over too much. I figured one pawn was just as good as any other."

God pointed. "But why didn't you move that one there?"

"Well, I thought about it, but I didn't really think it would matter."

"Well, of course, it matters, Skylar! The whole game wouldn't even get started without the first move. The whole thing would just fall flat without it. I just don't see why it had to be that particular pawn. I mean, what are you trying to do to me?"

"I'm just playing the game," whimpered Chris.

God's eyes formed into slits as he glared at Chris. "Very... well. I'll let it pass." Slowly God reached forward and moved one of his pawns forward. Nervously, Chris reached out to touch a second pawn. God's eyes widened with anger. Chris drew back. He moved his hands across the pawns watching as God's face shifted around as if he was dialing up stations on a radio. Finally, and with much stress, Chris touched a pawn, lifted it up into the air, and carefully put it down one square forward. He let go of it.

God smacked the board so that everything flew all over the place. "Just forget everything, Arnold!" he yelled. To be continued.

Thank you for reading this blog. Did you enjoy it? Did you hate it? Either way, you can comment below, or you can email me at You can also visit my website at Thanks!

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Comedy, Pt. 1

In the beginning, there was nothing. No, really. Nothing. It was just a black void of... nothing. Empty. Black. Heck. Maybe it wasn't black. It was as if the entire universe was the transparency effect of a PNG image. Both lacking in color, substance, and eyes to see such lack of anything.

Really, it is incredibly hard to say just how empty the universe was. If you can imagine the blandest thing that you can possibly imagine, then multiply its blandness by six billion, and then erase whatever you have altogether, then that is pretty much what existed. And that was what we had here. All your TVs, video games, books, movies, and pizza parlors were not even an idea. That's right! Even ideas were missing from the universe. Just a flat, misty nothing. A total lack of existence.

Now I don't want to really cast any aspirations on this massive/nonmassive emptiness. I mean... it wasn't like it was doing anything to anybody. Not there there was anybody to do anything to. I mean... we are talking about a massive nonexistence of anything whatsoever here. The relevancy of the universe's irrelevancy was staggering beyond belief. And I would further credit this massive nothingness at having a good anti-war policy--in that, by dint of there not being anybody at all to fight wars, there were no wars to fight. And I am pleased, further more, with its health policy--in that, by dint of there not being anyone to be sick, there were no diseases at all. Peacefulness abounded quite well in this blank and transparent state. So for these and many other obvious reasons, I shall not cast aspersions.

But there was one major problem with it all. And I think you will agree. The main folly of all this nothing is that... well... to put it in simple terms... Oh, I'll just say it! It was BORING! I mean... Nothing was happening!

Have you ever been forced to sit in one place for an entire day, and during this time, you do absolutely nothing? To simply sit there and exist when nothing at all interesting is happening is quite horrible. I can hardly even imagine it, but there it was. A great big nothing. A void. A massive zero. And you were forced to sit there and admire it... or nothing. You weren't really admiring anything. There was nothing there. In fact, I'm not really sure why the word admiring was used. There is nothing really admirable about a void.

But then it was not really you admiring (or not admiring) anything. In truth, it was this one guy. His name was God. No, seriously, his name was actually God. Names were new at the time, and there was no need for complexities. Three letters were all that was needed. Dog sounded silly, so he just flipped it around and called it a name.

So there God was sitting in his nonexistent chair staring out into the emptiness. Time had no meaning to him, so he very well could have been doing this for the last 40,000 millennia. Immortality can be a bitch. By this time, his mind must have been going. At the end of the very specific and important 41,234th millennium--I have no idea why it was this one specifically--God for the first time spoke. He had never spoken before in all of his existence. Truly, this was going to be an important moment. God opened his mouth and the very first words of our great God came forth as loud and as clear as your own:

"I'm bored."

And so contractions came into the universe! Who knew they started so early?! Just remember that whenever you abbreviate two words together, those came from the lips of God before anything at all existed before!

But that wasn't all God said. That was just his first words. He also went on to say, "No, really. I'm bored as heck! What have I been doing all this time! Just sitting here? There's not even a chair under my ass. I'm just sitting on top of a void, in a void, surrounded by void. Wait. Is it even possible to sit on a void? Wouldn't I just..." And here God paused as he fell flat on his ass at the stark revelation that he would fall without anything under him. But upon this unfortunate happening, something very fortunate came of it.

"I've just fallen on my back," said God using another contraction. "That was exciting. I've been sitting on my ass for so long. I never knew falling over would be so much fun. I should do it again!" So God sat back up and once again took note that such a thing was impossible without a chair... and so proceeded to fall on his ass again.

"It wasn't as fun as it was before," said God. "I mean, it was okay. There was the somewhat retro feel of it. I remembered the first time I fell on my ass. Wow! Great times! But this time... eh." So God tried to figure out what the problem was. "Maybe I didn't do it right." And so God, once more, hurled himself across the universe so that, once more, he fell upon his ass as hard as he could, once more.

"Well, I'm bored again," said God. "It's so strange that... the first time I fell on my ass, everything was suddenly so much more exciting. But now it's just as boring as everything else." But then God had an interesting idea. "What if there were others with me to fall on their ass also! Then we could all do it together and have a fun time of it! That's it! I'll do it!" cried out God who was clearly a fan of his own contractions at this point. "I'll create other people who can fall down on their ass whenever I like!"

And so God created man. To be continued.

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Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Fairy Tale Spotlight: The Massive Storm

Ever seen that movie "The Never Ending Story"? They had a very interesting use for a massive storm. It was called The Nothing and represented the very end of imagination itself. There is something very all consuming about big storms like this, and it is something we have seen in fiction for quite some time.

Distant storms are often signs of horrors on the way. There's a sort of quiet nastiness to it. There is an interesting contrast between the light behind you and the overwhelming darkness in front. It is a thing of danger that is in sight but not quiet here yet. It is a message that always is made clear by its dramatic presentation.

These storms often signify something more than just a bad day. They usually accompany the end of the world. End game scenarios that require heroes to overcome the villain causing it. Often these storms are the result of evil machinations of one man or entity. It's makes a lot more sense that way. Collective fury isn't as powerful as the pinpointed anger of one individual.

It's not so hard to believe a large storm could be directed by one individual. Big and small are not what is important here. It's the mastermind that matters. He's the one who is really causing any of these terrible things to occur, and that storm is terrible. It will make the end of all things... unless you can stop it.

Consider how many times you've seen a man standing up upon a vista and summoning a great storm to destroy everybody. It's pretty common. Heck, I even remember a certain scene from "Star Trek: Generations" that fit this trope. Remember Malcolm McDowell's character? This sort of scenario is not just tied to ancient fantasy. It works in any era and location.

The sad thing is that not all of these storms can be stopped. And we have lost connections with those who sent them our way. A lot of them happen to us and we just end up asking why? Was there anything at all we could do to stop it?

I got a big storm coming my way right now. Not sure how it's going to end up. If I knew how to fight it, I would. At this point, I think whatever battle that caused this one had already been fought and lost. I'm going to sit back, get a good book, and hope for the best. I also hope that everyone involved stays safe. Take care.

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Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Fairy Tale Spotlight: The Sudden Storm

Seems to me that whenever I watch fantasies, the evil villain is usually accompanied by a storm. Perhaps not as often done as in some of your older flix, but I have seen a lot of moments where either the villain is revealed or is approaching... when suddenly lightning and thunder happen at the exact same time. What a coincident! It was a trope that seemed to be utilized to create a dark and despairing mood, but let's have another look at the connotations of this seemingly random storm.

Nobody really seems so much surprised by the storm as much as they are just startled by it. It was almost as if the storm was a visual and audio representation of their shock and dismay that things had only gotten worse. And often this storm can trap a person inside the building they are in. The latter further creates a feeling of hopelessness. They have to deal with the problem one way or another. There is no escape.

Throughout the 60's and 70's, these storms were very common. They were not preceded by any rain or distant thunder. It could go from a completely dry night to a very noisy storm in the very instant it was necessary--commonly after a big reveal from a villain. At the very same moment, lightning and thunder would occur over and over again followed by the sound of rain. This could go on for the entire movie sometimes. One thing I found a bit annoying was the repetition of the exact same thunder sound. It sounded like someone was jamming his finger down on a sound board doing his very best to make the scene as intense as possible. It only served to make the thunder sound unnatural. Maybe that was the point... or maybe it was just the 60's.

But then when I consider these scenes from an imaginative perspective, I begin to wonder if certain villains just bring storms with them. I do think that some storms, particularly the really horrible ones, are a physical manifestation of the strong emotions of terrible entities. Not necessarily in real-time, mind you. Think of them more like aftershocks of past tantrums.

In modern times, the storms still happen, but I suppose they just do a better job in their presentations. The storms roll in more slowly and the thunder has a bit more variations to it. Yes, they finally fired the sound board guy.

Just to be clear, I don't dislike these storms. I've used them in my own stories. "A Wolf in my Bedroom" is a perfect example of this. I do, however, feel that a bit of a slow entry into the storm is a bit better. It can still roll in fast. Just give it a little time to build up to a climax is all.

The sudden storm has been a tried and true way to strike fear into the hearts of those trapped by evil. At the moment you hear that initial roar of thunder, you know you are trapped and cannot escape. It lets us know just how bad our situation is and what it may take to make it through.

Thank you for reading my blog! Did you like it? If so, you can comment below, or you can email me at You can also visit my website at Kraka-Doooom!

Thursday, September 6, 2018

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Book vs Audio Drama vs Movie

I've been wanting to write on this for a while. I do it now with the intention of being brief and to the point. I don't want this to get into any complicated and extraneous detail. So let's just have at it and you can decide for yourself.

In the beginning, we had books. We had words which formed into sentences, which formed into paragraphs, and so on. It all came together to form a story in which we could neither see nor hear. But somehow we managed to both see, hear, and even remember what had happened as if we had been there to witness it. But when we tried to share this experience with others who had read the book, there was a break in the connection. They did not seem to see it the same way.

The reason this happens is because books require that we used a very large amount of imagination for us to actually get anything out of them. The book tells us what we should see and hear, but it is entirely up to us to decide how we see and hear it. For example, if the book states that a sword is hung up on a wall, it does not tell you anything else about the wall other than a sword is capable of being mounted there. You have to fill in those details.

Audio dramas (or radio dramas) are a medium in which a story is told by allowing you to hear what it happening without being able to see anything at all. All the details and dialog are presented in a coherent way, but there are no visuals included. For this reason, your imagination needs to fill in the rest. This is much easier when you close your eyes and let it wander. Unlike a book which tells you everything, the audio drama has taken care of the audio side for you, but leaves you to decide things like color and design yourself. Still much imagination needed, but not as much as with a book.

Movies (or television shows) go out of their way to show you every detail aside from spoiling the plot. You see the characters and hear them speak. It is very easy to follow and your imagination does not need to work very hard. The movie is acting in place of your imagination. Although the design scheme of the film can be done in a way that promotes imagination, that is the exception and not the rule. Movies simply do not promote the use of imagination during the viewing; although, it can inspire imaginative ideas after the fact.

Of these three, the book causes the human imagination to work overtime in a very healthy way. We are creating while we read someone else's work. Our minds draw, design, and color the invisible world of the book. We cannot help it. It is an automatic process. Human curiosity powers the imagination to fill in the blanks. It is a healthy part of human existence.

I hope this gave you something to think about!

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Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Fairy Tale Spotlight: The Talking Rabbit Scenario

So far it's a normal day. You don't have work or school. You figure it's going to be pretty boring, and maybe that's the way you prefer it. After watching a little TV, you step out to get a bite to eat. Before you can make it to your car, you see something very strange.

A rabbit wearing a waste-coat is running up to you as swiftly as it can on his back two legs. He seems panicked. Stopping right at your feet, the bunny looks up at you and speaks, "Hey, mister! You gotta help me! I'm in a whole lot of danger! There's a fox magician after me! He's turning everyone he meets into rabbits! Pick me up, get in your car, and lets scram!"

At this point, you have to make a decision. That decision is yours and only yours to make. I cannot make it for you. I'm not even going to give you options. You simply have to decide for yourself what you would do and where it might lead you. But I will give you some things to consider.

1. The rabbit talked to you. This is weird. Rabbits are not really known to talk at all. In fact, most people do not even think rabbits make sound. If you were to see and hear a rabbit talking, it would be completely reasonable for you to think, "My goodness. That was entirely out of the ordinary. How very weird."

2. The rabbit was wearing clothing. Not quite as weird as point #1. After all, we put clothing on animals all the time. We do it to dogs who love it and cats who pretty much give up on life afterwards. Why not rabbits? Yes, this poor rabbit could just as easily been the victim of some unfortunate run-in with a human who thinks dolling up bunnies in waste-coats constitutes good sport.

However, if that bunny did indeed put on the clothing of his own volition, that might also be considered weird, unusual, and completely out of the ordinary--all of which are really the same thing when it comes down to it. If that rabbit chose to wear clothing then there might be at least three things attributed to its wearing of the clothes that would make this bunny one that exists outside of the ordinary.

3. The rabbit was running upright in the fashion of a human being. Now, I'm not saying that a rabbit could not do this. If a rabbit was so inclined to, he could easily stand up and walk around like that. The point of this... point is that it is rather an uncommon thing for a rabbit to be running on two feet. If you were to see a rabbit doing this, you might consider the situation to be, once again, quite strange. Weird even. Perhaps even a little bit peculiar.

4. After getting past the first three points--if you are able to do so--you might listen to what the rabbit has to say. He claims that there is a fox magician who... But wait. Let's just stop there. Do you know of any fox magicians? This is also uncommon. Most foxes are not magicians at all. Usually they are simply... foxes. They roam about looking for food and other some-such things. But if you can get past this point, there is one last thing to consider:

5. The rabbit claims the fox magician is going about turning everyone into rabbits. What does this mean? Is this a rabbit or is it another human? Is it a rabbit who is simply warning humans that he may become a rabbit like him? There simply isn't enough information to go on. Or is there?!

6. This is the last point. Really. The rabbit wants you to take him on a car ride to get away from this fox magician which you haven't seen yet! The rabbit seems quite knowledgeable about motor vehicles. Perhaps he has driven one himself at some point. It is really unclear. A good many things in life are--and this problem becomes increasingly more problematic when you consider that talking rabbits and magical foxes are extremely uncommon within the normal course of reality.

Most people don't get this long to consider the facts of what is weird and what isn't. They simply have to make calls quickly. Freezing up means that the encounter will pass them by. The magic of stories allows me to fill you in on things you might not have fully considered in such a small span of time. For example, talking rabbits wearing waste-coats are fairly abnormal.

But even knowing what you know now, what would your decision be? What would you do? Why would you do it? How far would you go? How would it end? It is time to turn on your imagination and decide the course of the rest of your life. Make that call and bring it to a conclusion. After all, that rabbit isn't going to wait forever.

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