Thursday, December 27, 2018

Fairy Tale Spotlight: After Our Divine Comedy

With every beginning there comes an end. From the moment I started writing Our Divine Comedy, I always knew that I would have to face its conclusion and move on to whatever was next. And what's next? Back to more fairy tales. I just want to go back to what I was doing before that damned hurricane came and fiddled with my mind.

I am not entirely sure if my memory is correct, but I do believe that I once called the Bible a fairy tale. And if I didn't, I would like to at least make the statement officially right now. The Bible is a fairy tale. This sentence tends to make some people uncomfortable. I bet it makes most atheists rather pleased, but I do want to point out that I actually do consider the Bible to be a work of truth. The events did happen.

The term "Fairy Tale" does not denote fiction. It simply means that it is a tale and that there are fairies included in that tale. If you have an understanding of what angels, demons, and other strange creatures are, the Bible really is a fairy tale. But it is also true. I have seen too much proof of it. I just feel that the story is a bit more silly than most religions make it out to be.

On that note, I am not against organized religion. I completely support it... perhaps from a distance. Organized religion keep the stories alive, but they do so with a certain pomp and reverence that I just don't want to take upon myself. Never saw the point. But if you are going to subscribe to a religion, I flatly expect you to follow those rules. I won't respect you if you don't. If you are going to be a Baptist, Pentecostal, or even a Catholic, I expect you to follow the tenets of those respective religions. But I won't... because I am not a part of any of those things. I'm just trying to figure it all out on my own. I may end up wrong, but I'm pretty sure being wrong isn't a sin.

From here on out, we are going to go back to the fairy tales. We're going to dive into tropes and stories that have stood the test of time... and maybe a few which didn't. We'll look into modern tales as well. I love things like this. I truly love them. And I hope you all will enjoy what is yet to come.

As for Our Divine Comedy, I'm preparing to turn it into a book. There may also be an audio drama in the works as well. So I'll still be fiddling around with it. This story came straight from the heart. It may have been silly and often insane, but it was based on stuff I honestly believed in. If you can get past all the jokes, there was some truth mixed up in there. I am honestly very happy to see it complete. Thanks to those who read it and provided feedback. I love you all. Maybe someday, I'll see you all... in the beginning. ~T.K. Wade

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Tuesday, December 25, 2018

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Comedy Pt. 27 (Final)

In the beginning, there was a storm. And the storm was called Florence even though it had no awareness to comprehend that name. And the storm itself was called forth by actions taken by Lucifer at a period before Adam, but no one seemed to know this, and so they blamed the storm itself and insisted on giving it a name. And this storm which had no real consciousness plowed over me, and made terrifying noises, and removed from me many conveniences for the period of one and one-half weeks. And there came a point where I realized that I had become naked and alone with nothing to do but sit and stare into the void that was reality. And after so much time... I realized... that it was all quite humorous.

The weeks and months after the storm were filled with pestilence and plagues. Insects swarmed my home, and I suffered through their annoyances as I began to write the very thing you have been reading all of this time. I suffered a nasty illness to the point that I was unable to sleep for several nights in a row. My car broke down twice and I have only just recovered it after nearly a month. The toilets in my house also overflowed and filled my abode with nastiness, and during this time I suffered great humiliation of which I will not speak. All these things happened during the span of time that this story was written, and through it all I somehow continued to write it.

And then there came a day where I was sitting alone in my room. A bright light suddenly pierced its way through my ceiling and struck me across the face. I shielded myself and squinted my eyes as I attempted to pier up into the face of the one whom, no doubt, Moses beheld twice upon the great mountain. Tears fell from my eyes as I realized the truth of the universe, but it was not what people thought. It was a punchline, and I had been the gullible fool.

But then another revelation came to me as I sat upon my chair. I realized that the punchline was also reality. Everything had happened despite there being a certain degree of hilarity to it. I turned on the TV and checked the news. I saw the madness that had taken over the world. The serious ones were failing and the mad men were winning. And I realized then that I loved the mad men. I loved them with all of my heart. They were God-like: brash, uncaring, unfriendly men who did things by their own will and cared nothing for those who defied them. They tore their hands into the earth and threw up the dirt to build new and wonderful things. I loved them, and I knew it. I could see God's handiwork through these men, and that was when I realized that I wanted to be mad too.

I knelt down and knew that God had not caused the suffering that I went through. He simply allowed it. He allowed it because he knew I would never quit. And he laughed at my suffering because he knew it would never destroy me. And I rejoiced in him and loved him for his actions, for those actions were what changed the path of this world. That he gave his only son to be the leader of this world, blessed by the Holy Spirit, was enough to pardon him, for he had judged himself and so removed himself from leadership.

And in my final moments, I looked up into the heavens and I asked of God himself, "Was it good? Was my story good? After all the horrible things that happened to me, did you enjoy my story?"

And after a small time, the answer indeed came from the lips of God, "Eh, it was okay."

The end.

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Thursday, December 20, 2018

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Comedy, Pt. 26

In the beginning, there was nothing. Nothing was actually there. Later on there were things, but nothing was there at the very first of it. Oddly, there were things before the beginning. People lived and died. But then there came a point where suddenly... nothing existed. This point on the Line is known as Page 8, and it is the true beginning of things.

The events of Page 8 were skipped over because God had no idea what to do there. It is always very difficult beginning a story, but when you are a being of the Circle, you have the unique privilege of skipping parts over. From there we saw a number of things happen. There was the Great Flood. There was the tale of Moses. There was Jonah and the whale... or fish. Jesus was later born... and then he died. Nations rose and fell. The United States of America formed and we soon were going to the moon. Many amazing things happened, but none of it really meant anything because God had never written the beginning of this story which was supposed to begin on Page 8.

Indeed, others had written about it. None of this was considered canon though because it did not really exist. The world was merely going off of an incomplete picture and adapting accordingly. God had not yet acted, but within the Circle, there was always a chance for a new beginning.

Jesus stood before the crazy man known as John. He said to him, "I am here to be baptized."

"What? Seriously?" asked John in surprise.

From the heavens fell a being towards the Earth. It descended with great speed, its arms outstretched like wings. God struggled to get back up to his feet. He almost managed to do it, but his foot slipped on the paddle he had been playing with, and his chin slammed into the table causing no less than three stars to fizzle out. Chris ran to go pick him up.

"Yes, I am serious," replied Jesus.

"But... don't you know who you are?" asked John in bewilderment.

"I can get up on my own, Zachary!" screamed God as he struggled to get back to his feet.

"What happened to Mr. Nobody?" asked Chris backing away.

"He jumped into the table!" shouted God.

"But why?!"

"I don't know!"

The eyes of Mr. Nobody were set. He flew downward towards Earth faster than anything that had ever moved. Fire blazed all around his body. It pained him. It hurt so much. But he never looked back. He only looked onward to one man.

"I don't understand," said John.

"What do you not understand?" asked Jesus.

"You should be baptizing me."

"What the hell is he doing?!" screamed God.

"Here's your paddle-ball, sir," said Chris.

God just smacked it out of his hand and yelled, "I've got no time for that, Orville!"

Mr. Nobody narrowed his eyes. The whistling of the air around him seemed to fade into silence. All he could see and hear were the events happening before him. His arms remained out. He flipped himself so that his feet fell first.

Jesus smiled and replied, "Humor me, John. Just humor me." And somehow John understood. A smile crossed his lips, he took hold of Jesus, and he dunked him into the water. Jesus, the son of God, was splashed down into the river by a man who was insane. He allowed it to happen, and when he rose up, those that were present saw the form of a man descend upon Jesus.

God held onto the side of the table and cried out with elation, "Yeeeeees! Oh, yeeeees!"

The people near the river all shielded their eyes as they looked upon this strange form and did not know what it was. But from the heavens they heard God cry out with such happiness, "Look at him! Look at this man! This is my son, and I am pleased with him!"

And then when God had said these things, he looked back at Page 8 and realized that the words had been written. And there stood a man whose name was Adam. The first human of the new project, and he was born of the sacrifice of Jesus who died in the comforting hands of the Holy Spirit. The Line was now complete. Jesus was the new way. God was now second. And the story shall soon be brought to its ultimate conclusion. To be continued.

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Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Comedy, Pt. 25

In the beginning, there was darkness. Although people and things existed, those things had no light. Everything existed as a shadow of a shadow. It was bland and uninteresting. But then there came upon the earth a stranger. In much the same way, this stranger was dark and confusing. People did not understand who he was. People did not understand what he was. People did not understand why he was. This confusion lead to some very nervous questions.

"What? Seriously?"

Although the questions were answered, nobody seemed to understand. Darkness was all they knew. Darkness was all they believed in. There was a bias to darkness, and here was a man, also of darkness, who spoke of bright things.

"Is he not of Nazareth?" one asked. It was true. He was of Nazareth. He was a man of darkness. There was no light about him. He was a shadow. He was always a man who lived in the shadows. If one would look directly at him, there was a small chance that they would not even notice he was there. Yet out of confusion, he was noticed somehow. And for this reason, he began to form an importance.

"Is he not the son of Mary and Joseph?" another asked.

Indeed, he was the son of Mary and Joseph. Mary and Joseph were from the shadows too. They were of little consequence in the grand scheme of things. Nobody really thought much of them. This man was their son, but somehow none of that seemed to matter. He still spoke of brighter things despite not being all that bright himself.

"What right do you have to say these things?" asked yet another.

Indeed, the man had no right to say anything at all. He was a man of darkness like the rest of them. Yet he still persisted in saying the words that he said, and people detected his sincerity. The man ignored those who accused him and continued to speak as he was wont to do.

There came a day when a man of no value accused this man of being the son of God. The man of darkness agreed with this and was surprised to no end to hear another say so. This man knew that these words were true but simply wanted to be sure. To be accused of such a great crime as being the son of a being that was so ruthless and horrible to the people of Earth was a tough pill to swallow. Nevertheless... the son of God had suspected it and was ready to deal with it in whatever way that would come to him.

"We would do anything for you," said a disciple.

Many would say this to him. Many offered him great things. This man of shadows could see that his popularity was growing even to the kings themselves. He had an opportunity to use this to his advantage. Such things were not known to happen to the Nazarenes. But this man turned away from such opportunity. He chose to live for those who chose to follow him. He yearned to show them a new way. He wanted so dearly to help them along the path. He could not be bothered to allow others to raise him upon a pedestal. He, instead, chose to wash their feet. In all of his popularity, he chose to be a Nazarene. He was their servant.

During his trials as the son of God and man, this man of darkness was tempted. He could see the two paths. He yearned to betray those who cried out to him for salvation. He wanted to run away and simply... build. Perhaps he could build for others. Perhaps he could just build for himself. What was so wrong with that? These people were confused. They did not understand who he was. Would they even learn anything? Was it worth it? This man of darkness who spoke of light had choices to consider. He was tempted. He considered the possibilities. There was no right and wrong in those moments. It was merely a choice that would be judged by another. Once his choice was made, right and wrong would adhere to the new way. He knew this. The future of everything depended on his choice. Which was righteous: good or evil?

There came a day when there was one who turned against him. He expected it. He saw it coming from the very first day he was called for who he was. There was no need to die. He knew it. His father was the richest being in the universe. One call and it would all be over. He could just cry out and the world would be left to burn.

The man of darkness and shadow lowered his head and asked, "Is there any other way? I do not wish to suffer. I do not wish to die. Can they not be saved any other way?"

But there was no answer... for God was busy playing paddle ball. His own father, the very God of the cosmos himself, would not even look at him. He would not even listen to him. God was busy. God was ignoring him. The man of darkness realized just how alone he was. The entire universe rested on his shoulder. It was heavy and caused him great pain. But the man knew the truth of it all. There was no other way. He would either act as he had for his entire life... and die... or he would make a move in his own favor.

"They can do anything," he said to the nothing. "They can do anything they want. They can go as high as the moon. They can cross out into other worlds which lie beyond imagination. They can do it all, if they were not so blind. But I know that they still desire such things. They all live in darkness. It is too dark for them to see these things. I feel for them. I forgive them. They have no idea what they are even doing. For those who strive for greater things, I shall die for them in hopes that one day... it will make a difference."

This man was named Jesus, and he was murdered in innocence. He was a man without sin, yet he was still tempted. He knew good and evil, yet he chose good. And yet... he was murdered. The wages of sin was death, yet he was without sin. Why was he killed? Nobody understood this. Nobody knew who he really was. Jesus was the son of God, but he was also a mortal man. Even so, there was something more.

Mr. Nobody took note that Jesus died in the name of compassion and friendship. He died in the hope that the human race would thrive somehow. He also saw how so many had turned against him in the hopes of perpetuating some corrupt status quo. This angered Mr. Nobody. This angered him with intensity. His hands quivered with the very force of his anger. Never had he felt for a human in this way.

The Holy Spirit stood up upon his chair. God looked up for just a moment with wide-eyes as he saw Mr. Nobody fall into the table. Out of shock and surprise, God's rolling chair slipped from under him and he fell careening into the floor with a clash not unlike the first great fall he took at the beginning of this story. To be continued.

Thank you for reading my blog! Did you like it? Did you hate it? Either way, you can comment below, or you can email me at You can also visit my website at Check out my books! Thanks!

Thursday, December 13, 2018

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Comedy, Pt. 24

In the beginning, there was the Circle, and the Circle was not bound to the Line. Even so, the Line was bound to the Circle. The perspective of the Circle was as if looking at a page of text and nothing more. You could go to other pages of text if you wanted to, but there was no real need to. There was nothing wrong with sticking around that same page... even if it was for eternity.

"I am here to be baptized," said Jesus.

"What? Seriously?" asked John in surprise.

End of page 2016.

This is how it was for God. And as he sat near the table, refusing to change the page, he would notice Mr. Nobody staring at the same page also. The Holy Spirit could not move for he had bound himself to the Line in those moments. He was momentarily trapped within the dilation of time between the two points, or so it appeared to God. God remained on the Circle and refused to move any further than that spot.

There was no real hurry. Events would happen as they would regardless. He even knew much of the future as it would happen. The problem was centered somewhere around page 8. Page 8 was a strange one. Even though it appeared near the beginning of this hypothetical book, it had not actually been written yet. It was blank. Much of what was going to happen around page 2016 was going to lead to the writing of page 8.

But still, there was no real need to move forward to page 2017. There was plenty of things God could do... like sitting... breathing... thinking. He did those things a lot, perhaps not to his own pleasure. Of course, there was always paddle-ball. In fact, it must be known that God holds the all-time record at paddle-ball. By using a technique known as a universal temporal macro, he managed to get no less than seventy duodecillion, forty sextillion, eight hundred trillion, four thousand and two [70,000,000,000,000,000,040,000,000,800,000,000,004,002] paddles down before simply just getting bored of the activity.

Chris was nearby trying to beat this record while God sat there thinking. The human was bravely doing his best and had reached a very bold paddle number of forty-three [43] when he decided to ask, "Why don't you just move on?"

"Because I'm not obligated to, Darius," replied God.

"But I just think it's kind of weird that we all just seem a bit stuck in time. It's weird to see Mr. Nobody over there holding so still. Why can't we just move on to see what happens?"

"What's the point?" groaned God. "I have all the time and existence in the universe to hold off what is very likely to be a failure."

"What do you mean?"

"Mr. Nobody doesn't like me. He never did. He's only ever done what he did because he doesn't like to see others who strive for something suffer. It's some weird and wacky concept that came from him called compassion. I'm still not used to it. Never understood how being nice to people would ever lead to anything, but whatever."

"I like it when you're nice to me," whimpered Chris as he paddled past sixty-four [64].

"Yeah, I know. It's nice to eat hay without a feedbag once in a while, isn't it, Boo Boo?"

"Sure is," smiled Chris.

"Well, that little act of compassion did not really come from me. It came from Mr. Nobody. I've never been one to be either friendly or compassionate. I'm a man who just likes to see things get done."

"But you still won't move forward on the Line," mentioned Chris as he passed eighty-one [81].

God rested his face within his hands. "I know what's coming. I know the future and how it ends. But unless the beginning is written properly, none of this is going to mean anything. Mr. Nobody is probably going to take one look at my son and just scrap him as nothing worth a damn. Like father, like son. He's just as messed up as I am. I know I have to deal with it eventually, but I just need a while to get ready for it. If Mr. Nobody rejects my son, I am going to be devastated." He sighed miserably. "I'm also going to just leave it all alone for eternity. I'll take my son back and we'll just leave the Line to dissolve itself. It will be a failed experiment. Lucifer can have it. He certainly will deserve it."

Chris frowned as he paddled up to one hundred and three [103]. "Will you ever try again?"

"No. It's just too heartbreaking for me. I put everything into this iteration. This was where my heart was. I love these humans... as stupid as they are. I want them to succeed. I want them to rise above all of their problems and... maybe even join me here in the Circle. And from there... we can all be creators. We can all make wonderful things. And Jesus... He can manage it all from a throne. It's all such a beautiful idea. But... I don't know if it is even possible. If I can't get Mr. Nobody's blessing... the Line will simply fizzle out and collapse. The humans will all die. I'll be alone. I'll... be damned.

Chris was silent after hearing that. God peered back down at page 2016. "I am here to be baptized," said Jesus.

"What? Seriously?" asked John in surprise.

God looked back at Chris as a tear fell from his eye. "I can't look."

"But... you have to," said Chris.

"What the hell do you know?" asked God miserably. "You're just my donkey." Hearing that, Chris missed a paddle at one hundred and nineteen [119]. God groaned and told him, "Oh, and you were sooo close too." Chris frowned and sighed. To be continued.

Thank you for reading my blog! Did you like it? Did you hate it? Either way, you can comment below, or you can email me at You can also visit my website at Check out my books! Thanks!

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Comedy, Pt. 23

In the beginning, the beginning was the beginning. It began in the beginning, was the beginning, and continued eternally as the beginning. "I am here to be baptized," said Jesus.

John was confused. He could only stare at this man before him as they stood within the water. "What?" he soon said. "Seriously?"

"Yes, John," replied Jesus.

"Now he's just putting words in his mouth," said God as he looked away from the computer.

Chris walked up and said, "The real thing is happening right over there, God." He pointed back at the table.

"I'm busy right now, Cory. Besides, I have like thirty of these blogs left to read. Really fascinating stuff too. Did you know that there is some idiot in the year 2018 that thinks I'm a crazy asshat?" Chris was unusually silent. God stared at him until his eyes formed into slits. "You can disagree with him anytime, Fauntleroy."

Chris sighed and simply said, "Eeehaw."

"Close enough. Now, what you might find very interesting about this particular blogger is that he and Lucifer had a little argument over a chat."

"He did?" asked Chris with some surprise.

"It's all speculative, of course." He looked at Chris for a moment. "Eh. Speculative is a word that means 'To pull out of ones anal region.' Ha! Remember that time I pulled that star out of your butt?"

"Damn, that hurt," frowned Chris as he rubbed his rear.

"Haha! Am I great at party tricks or what?! Anyways here's the chat, Xavier. Have a look. But hurry up because your new shipment of organic hay is about to arrive."


Lucifer: Did you know that the things that you are doing are blasphemous?

TK: How so?

Lucifer: You are besmirching the name of the Holy Father with this blog. You are purposely making him look like an idiot.

TK: I'm writing a comedy.

Lucifer: But its a comedy that you believe. You even seem to believe that he reads your blog.

TK: I am assuming that, since the Circle connects to all points of the Line, that he has the ability to keep track of my blog at the very same time that he is dealing with the John the Baptist incident. I am also concluding that, since he is God, that his technology is AT LEAST up to par with the mid 2000's... hence the computer.

Lucifer: None of this is in the Bible. People will read your blog and assume that you are a rebellious, anti-religious heathen with his own agendas.

TK: You don't understand my agenda.

Lucifer: Enlighten me.

TK: I woke up one day and realized what this world was and why it was. And I could not help but laugh. Much of it is funny. There is serious stuff too, but I could not help but laugh at the silliness of it all. And most importantly, I knew that it was all real. Also, Lucifer, I am not against the Bible and religion. Much of what I am doing is a validation of all the things that are taught in church. I am merely being extremely irreverent about it.

Lucifer: Many could consider that to be a failing.

TK: I am not responsible for anyone but myself. I judge myself.

Lucifer: And you seem to judge God as well.

TK: No mortal man can judge God. No man has the perspective needed to do it.

Lucifer: Yet you dare to judge him and his ways.

TK: I am merely trying to relay something I saw in a vision. I am trying to show how funny it was.

Lucifer: Your blog is filled with lies.

TK: My blog is filled with jokes. The jokes are my own and I find them funny. I find the universe funny. I find that God himself is funny. But those are subjective feelings. People never bother to identify with God. They never seem to want to see the world from his perspective. They never seem to care about his feelings. They dismiss his mistakes as genius (not that they can do anything about it anyways). The universe in their eyes are a bit too simplistic and closed off. They cannot relate to the universe in this way.

Lucifer: So you create fiction in order to relate to a falsehood.

TK: I create satire based on what I believe is true.

Lucifer: All the while blaspheming the Holy Father.

TK: I am a storyteller. I saw these things in a vision.

Lucifer: You are a sinner.

TK: For writing this blog?

Lucifer: Yes, and you should be ashamed.

TK: I am not ashamed, but I may be insane. I am not fond of being sensible. I just want to put out what I see for the world to see. If I am to be judged, then so judge me. If I am to be punished, then so punish me. I can only be who I am. If I am driven to do something, then I feel that I must do it.

Lucifer: You also judged me.

TK: There's a reason for that.

Lucifer: Name it.

TK: We are the same. We are both first tier creations of God. We have the same perspective. I have judged you and called you, not only evil, but also batshit crazy. In your very first act as God's most beautiful angel, you created communism. You brought a negative into existence and have been decreasing its value ever since. Good job. By the way, that was sarcasm.

Lucifer: You'll learn someday. You are not only a sinner but quite an immoral, little brat. All humans will learn the truth someday. I will show them. And you, TK, shall end up alone and forgotten by everyone because you simply did not conform to the world the way you should have. Goodbye.

TK: Fine, bye.


Chris cocked his head as he read the blog. He whispered to himself, "Wait... Do I know this guy?"

"Great news!" shouted God. "The organic hay arrived! Strap on your feedbag, Barny!" To be continued.

Thank you for reading my blog! Did you like it? Did you hate it? Either way, you can comment below, or you can email me at You can also visit my website at Check out my books! Thanks!

Thursday, December 6, 2018

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Comedy, Pt. 22

In the beginning, there was a moment that never seemed to end. Jesus approached John the baptist within the water and said to him, "I am here to be baptized."

To which John replied, "What? Seriously?"

"I'm not sure of the point to any of this," said Lucifer.

"Why are you bothering me now?" asked God.

"Am I really such a bother? Was I not your finest creation? Was I not the greatest of your angels?"

"I made a mistake," replied God.

"God makes no mistakes," countered Lucifer. "Is that not what they say?"

"They are only half right. I do make mistakes, but when I do, I make perfect mistakes. Lucifer, you are a perfect mistake. You perfectly function like garbage, and that was my fault."

"Then I see no reason why any of this is even necessary," said Lucifer. "If God can make perfect mistakes, then there is no reason why God should bother with his creation anymore. Leave it to someone who can at least make something functional of it. All you ever do is create unregulated chaos. People suffer. You suffer. We all suffer. Suffering is bad, yes?"

"Lucifer, you are incredibly stupid."

"Sticks and stones," said the angel. "Really, I think I have moved beyond such things. I have done so much since my inception. You have struggled incoherently in your madness. And there are actually humans who think the things you do are wonderful. They wrote a book about you and pass it around as if it fully represents your truest of words."

"I know of the book," said God. "They are my words."

"They saw the silly things you did and created morals from them. Little stories that all seemed to lead up to the praise of a failed experiment. Do you remember when you spoke through that donkey?"

God chuckled. "How could I forget that? I was so bored that day."

"People gave that story a moral."

God rolled his eyes. "I was just screwing around. The guy was annoying so I gave him a bit of a fright. It killed five minutes."

"Yes, but that like many of your acts were adored and loved by so many people who did not understand how little you really cared about them. They do not understand that God has abandoned them for the sake of his own foolishness. I, on the other hand, do care. I am a much better friend to these people."

God shook his head. "I have killed a lot of people but only for specific reasons and at specific times. You, Lucifer, grind the world down constantly with your ridiculous notion of fairness. People whom even I see as innocent are torn to shreds in that grinder of yours. Your way is atrocious."

"My way is efficient."

"I don't care about efficiency," replied God.

"Obviously. And that is why the thing you do now will fail. You have absolutely no self control. You, yourself, are a failed experiment. A being that should never have done anything more than just sit in a chair and stair out into the void. What a joke you are."

"Mhmm. Yes. I've turned the universe into a joke, I suppose," replied God. "But as I exist on the Circle, there is always room for a new beginning. I am putting all my faith in another. And he shall be the catalyst that drives forth a new way. And this catalyst shall expand from one end of the Line to the other."

Lucifer raised a finger. "I shall spoil the ending for you. Your son is going to die. Those who follow him will also die in ignorance of everything you attempted to do, so nothing will be learned. And in the end, I shall take his place and bring out a new era of peace and efficiency where you failed. It's all such a joke, God. And the joke has always been on you."

God frowned as he looked at the angel. "I won't stop you from trying."

"Why not?"

"Because there is a burning in my heart to prove to you that you have always been completely and utterly full of shit."

"We shall see," smiled the angel.

God looked back at his table. Jesus and John still stated at one another. He looked away and leaned over trying to contemplate things. To be continued.

Thank you for reading my blog! Did you like it? Did you hate it? Either way, you can comment below, or you can email me at You can also visit my website at Check out my books! Thanks!

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Comedy, Pt. 21

In the beginning, there was man named John. He was a silly man who dressed funny and ate bugs for breakfast. He also was something of a bully who liked to dunk people's heads underwater. But for some reason, these things that he did were greater than those who dressed well and ate fancy dinners at home.

John also had a habit of saying odd things at the most inappropriate times. "You brood of vipers!" he would say. It confused a lot of people because none of them were ever snakes. They checked just to be sure. Yes, indeed, they were not snakes at all. But John called them vipers all the same, and oddly, there seemed to be a sincerity to his words that went beyond reason.

And yet through all this madness, there were those who consented to this bullying and madness. For it was believed that to be dunked underwater by a mad man was a type of bizarre penance. No one really liked being dunked by a crazy person, so it seemed fitting that it would be a just punishment for their sins. So even though it was clearly a bad idea, there were those who would accept their fate and allow this mad man to bully them while he spouted off madly.

"I baptize you with water for repentance!" he shouted as he dunked a poor fellow under, holding firmly to his hair. Yanking the victim up, John would gaze at the man with crazy eyes. In a deep tone, he would growl, "But he who is coming after me is mightier than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry."

"Really?" asked the nervous dunking victim.

"Yes!" screamed the mad man known as John. "And He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire!"

The wet man was surely nervous having just heard this lunacy, but at least he felt a bit cleansed of his past sins. This was good because he could start anew and sin as much as he pleased until the next time he would let a crazy person dunk him.

"Can I ask you one question?" he asked of the mad man.

"Ask and you shall have an answer," replied John.

"Did you just make up the word 'baptize'? I ask because I am pretty sure you're just dunking me and I'm unsure why it needs a fancy word to go with it."

"Sinner!" cried out John who repeatedly smashed the poor fellow's head over and over into the water until his sins were nothing but a memory. "Go forth and sin no more!" cried John tossing him away. The watered down fellow gave John a thumbs up which was, at the time, a fine Roman tradition that was catching on with all of the peasants.

But then there came a man who seemed to stand out a bit from all the onlookers. John looked up at this newcomer and seemed to pause. The man approached John and passed through the water until he stood before the mad man. Thusly he spoke, "I am here to be baptized." John hesitated.

God looked away from the table. "What's wrong?" asked Chris.

"I can't deal with this right now." replied God.

"What?" asked Chris.

"There's too much at stake. Horace, do something to amuse me."

"Like what?" asked Chris nervously.

"I don't know! Dance, pee on things, just do something!"

Chris was so nervous that he did not do much more than just stand there twitching. God gazed back at Mr. Nobody who was staring intently at the table. He looked back at Chris who was sweating profusely. God took Chris by the shoulders and said, "I'm afraid!" Chris looked into the eyes of God and saw far more than he ever wanted to see. It was the beginning of things. It was the end of things. It was the good and evil of the universe. Chris swooned and promptly passed out a moment later. To be continued.

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