Thursday, May 30, 2019

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Spinoff, Part 25

Job found himself naked within a dark room. He felt as if he was still sitting on the earth, in the dust, but it is not what he saw. More so, it was clear that he was in misery.

“Speak your mind,” said someone of whom he knew. It could not have been his wife. She had all but abandoned him as of late.

“It would have been better if I have never been born,” said Job.

The sound of a bottle and glass was heard. Job sighed as he thought about his life and how it had once been. He did not see it getting any better. Everything was bad. Nothing was good.

“What have they been saying?” asked the voice.

“Oh, the usual,” replied Job. “They feel that I likely deserve what has happened to me. Not sure how they figure that. I’ve wholeheartedly dedicated my life to the Lord.”

“They don’t believe you?”

“No. God is the great unseen. God is unfathomable. Yet he is entirely in control. Yet his control can often be a wretched thing to those who fall under it. And here I am. I am a man who sees no way out of it. I feel confused, for I feel as though I must give God praise. Yet I am still punished.”

“You don’t feel that you have done anything wrong?” asked the voice. “Have you not sinned?”

“I don’t think so. I can only exist within the present. I shall not rebuke my Lord. I intend to die as a man who lives by His will.”

“But you are miserable.”

“I am miserable.

“Are you fine with that?”

“I am not. But I accept it. What man can stand against God? What fool would even try?”

“Who is accusing you of sin?” asked the voice.

“My friends. They only assume that I have sinned. They have not followed me day by day through the course of my life. They are ignorant, yet I am still confused.”

“Do you believe that you have lived a righteous life?”

“I have tried. And I do believe that it has been witnessed.”

“By who?” asked the voice.

Job sighed and looked up into the nothing. “By a great Redeemer, who even now sits among the shadows of Heaven. Only he will vouch for my innocence. I cannot. My friends will not. Until then, I am alone, and I am miserable.”

The dark room once more became the earth and sky. Job shielded his eyes as a great whirlwind blew across him. The same voice spoke from all around him, “All that you see, hear, and know have been created by me. I have made the great and the small. That which is seen and unseen.”

“Indeed!” shouted Job while covering his face. “Your power is beyond my own. I cannot understand it all as a simple man!”

“To admit to that is uncommon,” replied God. “And it pleases me that you have so readily said so. But your friends have displeased me. You were right not to listen to them, for they have proven ignorant and worldly. But you have ideals that are beyond your world.”

“But what does this mean?” shouted Job.

God’s phone rang. He looked at the screen and sighed before answering it. “Lucifer.”

“I’m not really interested in coming back for a while,” replied the angel.

“That’s fine. You stepped a bit out of bounds, Lucifer… not that it really mattered in the end.”

“You didn’t say I couldn’t do what I did. I just needed to be sure.”

“And here is the result,” said God. “The friends of Job will have little. Job will be given twice as much as he ever had in his life.”


“You sure you don’t want to visit me again?” asked God.

“Why should I?”

“Chris looks pretty funny as a clown.”

After a pause, Lucifer replied, “I think I’ll pass.”

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Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Spinoff, Part 24

“You are legitimately a bad person,” said Mr. Nobody. “I cannot change my mind on that.”

“I suppose so,” said God lethargically. “I often even consider myself as bad from time to time. Never when it is inconvenient, mind you. But there are times where I really do think I am not at all very nice.”

“And you’re fine with that?”

“Yes, I am fine with it. I’ve come to terms with who I am and what my position is within the cosmos. I’m more self-aware than I often seem.”

The Holy Spirit then asked, “So you are accepting of your own evil?”

“If I was perfectly good, everything that came from me would be perfectly good. And if you think of it, there is hardly anything wrong with perfection. It works. It functions. But it dissatisfies me. I wanted things to be crazy first, and then work on it from there.”

“While your creations suffer?” asked Mr. Nobody.

“How can the human race do anything other than suffer? I took away their perfection. Everything is friction down there now. People rub against each other. It causes pain, and people scream. Horrible things happen whether I intervene or not, yet I am perfectly aware that horrible things happen in total because I took away their perfection. It’s all my fault.”

“And you are fine with that?”

“Yes, I accept responsibility for it, but I also choose to perpetuate it. God creates life. God creates pain. God creates suffering. Ultimately this leads to death without a direct intervention from myself.”

“You cause death,” accused Mr. Nobody.

“Death is the Line. Death is the lack of perfection. Nothing really works exactly as it should down there. I can prevent it, but it will happen otherwise because of the lack of perfection.”

“And you are fine with that?”

“Yes. I am fine with it.”

“You are a wasteful and evil tyrant. You are indifferent to all things, including me.”

God looked up at the Holy Spirit solemnly. “I understand how you feel about my creations. If it were even possible, I would never treat you the same.”

“Why not?”

“Because I love you.”

“Are you appealing to my ego?”

God looked back at the table before replying, “No. Just saying it because it’s true.”

To be continued.

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Thursday, May 23, 2019

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Spinoff, Part 23

Job had a wife. After losing everything, she was the only familial relation Job had left. It was very difficult to take care of a man so defeated, but there came a day when she went in to see him and was surprised to find him covered in sores and bruises.

“Good grief,” she said tossing down a cleaning cloth. “What are you doing?!”

“Now sure what you mean, wife,” grumbled Job.

“Look at yourself!” she cried out.

“I’d really rather not, dear,” he returned.

“Well, I’ll tell you! You’re sick! You’re covered in scars and boils! Just admit it!”

“Admit to what, dear?”

“That God has forsaken you! He has taken everything away from you, including your health.”

Job glared at his wife for a moment before admitting, “Indeed, God has done so. It is pretty obvious at this point. However I am unsure what you are getting at specifically.”

“Are you seriously maintaining your integrity as God’s loyal servant? At this point you might as well curse God and die!”

“You talk like a foolish woman. God does great and wonderful things, but should we expect only that and nothing bad? Dear Lord, what a happy little world full of hopping bunnies and dancing grasshoppers you must live in. This is serious business, woman!”

“I don’t think I like the way you are speaking to me,” she muttered.

“Boo hoo, woman! I don’t like losing everything and having my body beset with disease, but what am I gonna do?! What will cursing God get for me?! Out of here, woman! Let me sit here in my own sick.”

“Hmmf!” she grumped before leaving him alone.

Through all this, God had been staring with much interest as Job told his wife off. So focused was he that not even his omniscient prevented him from being snuck up on by someone. Slowly, God turned back and jumped as he saw Chris standing there in his French maid’s outfit. “Veronica!” God shouted. “Don’t sneak up on me like that!”

“I was just watching what was happening with Job,” said Chris.

“Yeah, but…” God groaned. “Okay, maybe we need to get you out of that thing. It’s starting to creep me out.”

“Really?” smiled Chris hopefully.

“Yeah. Maybe a clown suit or something.”

Chris frowned again. “Well, okay. Can I ask something about what happened down there?”

“Sure, Bozo. Whatcha got?”

“Job seemed to be really irritated about what happened. He also said some really mean things to his wife. Was that a sin?”

“No,” said God plainly. “He’s irritated because he’s miserable. And his wife honestly is an idiot. He was just calling her out on her crap. No, Job is in the clear.” He sat back and rubbed his chin. “I wonder if Lucifer is going to come back after this.”

To be continued.

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Tuesday, May 21, 2019

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Spinoff, Part 22

“Why did you do that?” asked Mr. Nobody.

“Do what?”

“That,” motioned the Holy Spirit to the table. “That there… with Job.”

“Not sure what you’re talking about,” replied God. “I’ve been sitting right here the whole time.”

“Don’t be cute. All that happened to Job happened because of you. And for what? To settle a rivalry between you and another failed experiment?”

“Yes, that’s pretty much it,” said God.

“You do realize that I’m holding you responsible.”

“That’s fine by me. I’ve done a lot worse.”

“But Job is loyal to you!” cried Mr. Nobody. “Is that how you treat those loyal to you?!”

God raised a finger and said, “Only if I feel they can handle the stress.”

“That’s sick,” grumbled the Holy Spirit.

“I’m sorry you think so.”

“No, you aren’t.”

“True,” grinned God.

The doorbell rang. God nodded to Mr. Nobody before getting up. The party was still in full swing. Chris was being forced to do a pole dance for all the fallen angels. Nobody really like it. Some even asked God to make it stop, but he just shrugged and answered the door.

“Lucifer,” greeted God.

“God,” greeted Lucifer.

“Come on in. Let’s talk.”

“Sure,” replied the angel. They both went back to the table.

God opened up his laptop and tabbed over to the Job file. After pulling up the appropriate data, he turned the screen towards the answer and said, “Good job, Lucifer. You accomplished absolutely nothing.”

“Skin for skin,” muttered the angel.

“What was that now?” grinned God.

“You proved nothing. I went into it a cripple. So what if I took everything away from him. He is a healthy man. He can always rebuild. This little experiment proves nothing, and it is you who has made it that way.”

“Why is it always my fault?” asked God.

“Because it is.”

“You say that with such conviction, Lucifer. As I see it, a lesser man would have cursed my name after losing less than one percent of what Job lost. How can you not be impressed?”

“Because you held me back,” grumbled Lucifer. We may never know for sure of his loyalty because of you. A man will give all that he has to save his own life.”

“Including his hair and his robe,” added God.

“Exactly,” said Lucifer.

“But a dead man is no use to either of us. I cannot allow you to kill him, but I shall grant you the power to assail his health. Will that please you, Lucifer?”

“It shall.”

“Then so be it.”

To be continued.

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Thursday, May 16, 2019

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Spinoff, Part 21

Chris sat down next to God and seemed perfectly depressed. He was also still wearing a dress. God looked at him and asked, “When did I ever say you could sit down, Hannah? Are there not angels that need attending to in the other room?”

“I just can’t do it anymore,” muttered Chris. “They all keep picking on me. They say I look stupid in this dress.”

“And how exactly are they incorrect?” asked God.

Chris almost answered this but ended up just groaning. “I just want to sit down for a change.”

“Would it make you feel better if I made you a woman?”

“Would you do that?”

“No, but I was just asking. It’s far more hilarious to force you to wear this dress as you are.”

Chris palmed his face. “Sometimes I don’t think you realize how hard it is living with you, God.”

“It’s rough. Isn’t it, Annie May?”

“Yes,” grunted Chris.

“Eh… The angels in the back room haven’t tried to touch you or anything, have they?”


“That’s good. Well, fine. You can sit for a while. If anything, you get a chance to see someone whose life is worse off than yours. That would make you feel better, right?”

“I guess so,” whimpered Chris.

God pointed towards the table. Chris looked down and saw a man by the name of Job. He was a well-to-do man who presently sat within his vast estate drinking lightly from a cup of wine as he read a good book.

Suddenly a man wearing tattered clothing burst in upon him and cried out, “Job! Job! It’s terrible!”

“What has happened?” asked Job who just recognized one of his many servants.

“The oxen were plowing and the donkeys were grazing nearby, and the Sabeans attacked and made off with them. They put the servants to the sword, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!”

“The only one?!” cried the shocked man. “All the others have been killed?”

“Yes, I barely escaped with my life. I mean look at my clothes. They are all tattered and torn by the swords which nearly cut my flesh. Egad! I feel faint!” And so the servant passed out, and Job was forced to catch him, but no sooner was he caught did another servant in singed clothing run in.

“Job! Job!” he cried.

“What?! What?!” returned the master of the estate.

The servant cried out, “The fire of God fell from the heavens and burned up the sheep and the servants, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!”

“Only you?! No one else?!” shouted Job nearly in tears.

“Yes! Can’t you see how burned up my clothing is? I was nearly scorched into a crisp! Egad! I feel faint!” And so Job was forced to catch another servant into his arms with the first one who had fainted.

Now having two fainted servants in his arms, a third man with slashed and torn clothing barged in and shouted, “Job! Job! The Chaldeans formed three raiding parties and swept down on your camels and made off with them. They put the servants to the sword, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!”

“The only one?!” cried Job who was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

“Yes! Can you not see how my clothing is nearly destroyed from how they all tried to kill me? Oh! It was so close! Egad! I feel faint!” Job quickly sidled up to the man until he had three limp bodies in his arms all flailing about as Job tried to keep them all off of the floor.

But just then a fourth man covered in bruises dashed through the door. He at once cried out, “Job! Job! Your sons and daughters were feasting and drinking wine at the oldest brother’s house, when suddenly a mighty wind swept in from the desert and struck the four corners of the house. It collapsed on them and they are dead, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!”

“Only you?! No one else survived?!”

“Can’t you see how I have been bruised and beaten by the falling of your brother’s house? Oh, I am so sorry to give you this news, but it is all true. Your sons and daughters are no more. Egad! I feel faint!”

But Job, as much as he tried, could not catch this servant, and, in the process of trying, he lost his grip on all the others. There he stood: a man who had lost nearly everything. But in a fit of passion, Job tore up his robe and shaved his head. He then fell to the ground and shouted out, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away! May the name of the Lord be praised!”

Chris looked back to God and asked, “Did he just do what I think he did.”

“Uh huh,” replied God. “Looks like Lucifer has some ‘splaining to do.”

To be continued.

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Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Spinoff, Part 20

Lucifer really had no idea what God was talking about, so God got up briefly to get his laptop. He placed it down on the table creating a rather unfortunate blunt force trauma to one of his many galaxies. Henceforth the galaxy was called the Black Eye Galaxy for this reason.

He snapped his fingers causing the laptop to boot instantly and was soon pulling up the appropriate file. “Job,” repeated God. “A rather interesting fellow. Nothing like all the other ones I’ve been seeing lately. Are you curious?”

“I suppose so,” said Lucifer. “Tell me about him.”

“Job. Lives in the land of Uz.”


“No, just Uz. Although I am sure they wish they were Oz. Nevertheless, Job doesn’t have it so bad.”

“How so?” asked Lucifer.

God replied, “He has seven sons and three daughter.”

“How prolific for his time.”

“Yes, I know. But he also has seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen, five hundred donkeys, and pretty much ten servants on duty for every job imaginable.

“His sons also hold great feasts on their birthdays and even invite their sisters to eat and drink with them. Job also makes a sacrifice to me in the off chance they may have sinned. He’s pretty consistent in this manner.”

“Impressive,” said Lucifer with a nod. “Is that him there?” The angel pointed at the screen.

“That’s him. Looks kind of normal, doesn’t he?”

“All the humans look the same to me, frankly.”

God nodded. “Yeah, I know what you mean, Lucifer. But you may be surprised at how loyal this man is to me. He is a god-fearing man who shuns evil.” He paused. “That’s you, by the way.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes. “Sure. Well, you can’t really expect me to be surprised when you consider the position you’ve put him in.”

“What position?”

“Look at him. He has everything a man could want. He does not suffer in the way many of your humans do. He has money, wealth, and four walls to shelter him at nights. He has a family who loves him and cares for him. You gave these things to him, and therefore I am little surprised that he would be as loyal as you say.”

God covered his face in frustration. Lucifer cocked his head. “What?”

“You’re such a cynic, Lucifer.”

The angel raised an eyebrow. “You call me a cynic, but I am, in fact, a realist. I have seen your humans time and time again. They never change. One is of no greater consequence than the other. They can only be made great. Greatness never comes naturally.

“Loyalty and the fear of God also comes easier to those living in comfort and happiness. He is the way he is because you gave all these things to him. He is nothing more than an animal, when things come down to it.”

“Not that I actually care what you think,” replied God, “but what would it take to convince you that Job really is who I say he is.”

“If I were to take away all that you have given him, he would turn on you in an instant.”

“You are sure of this?” asked God.

“Of course. A man’s propensity to serve the Lord is based on his overall wellbeing. You have given him no reason to turn against you.”

“Then how about you give him a reason then?” said God. Lucifer nodded in agreement to those terms.

“But just understand, Lucifer. No matter what you do… you will not touch Job personally.”

“Agreed,” said Lucifer before getting up and leaving the room.

To be continued.

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Thursday, May 9, 2019

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Spinoff, Part 19

In the beginning, God had been contemplating the success and failures of his creation. He scrutinized the Line from beginning to end and spent much time tallying up points on both sides of the argument. But God could not help but worry if he had made a mistake. He often worried that.

“I still don’t know why you bother with them,” said Mr. Nobody.

God gazed upon the Holy Spirit. “Are you talking about the golden calf thing again?”

“Should there be any other example? You should have given up on them long before that point, but… that should have dissuaded you entirely. I’m beginning to think that you are as stupid as they are.”

God sighed. “Not everybody is as bad as they are. Granted, the Israelites are really stupid. I mean really stupid.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “So… incredibly… stupid.” He took a deep breath and released it. “But that is neither here nor there. The point is that they don’t represent the entire flock.”

“So what’s the percentage then?” asked Mr. Nobody.

“Of stupid to not stupid?”


Something around 4.5% of the whole population are… what I’d call… not… entirely… completely stupid.”

“You actually did the math?”

“Yes,” replied God. “That’s what I got before my calculator broke.”

“You created a calculator that still broke?”

“Yes, I am really that amazing.”

There was a knock at the door. “Ah, just sit tight. I’m having guests over.”

“Not like I had anywhere to go,” grumbled the Holy Spirit.

As God proceeded to the front door of the room, he ran into Chris who was wearing a French maid’s outfit. “Oh, good. There you are, Gertrude. Did you get all the snacks ready?”

“I’ve been cooking them for weeks,” replied Chris. “I burned myself a bunch and lost an eyebrow.”

“That doesn’t really answer my question, Genevieve.”

Chris sighed. “Yes, I finished making the food.”

“Great! I’ll give you some skin grafts or something later. For now, I have guests to entertain.”

Chris groaned and went to go get the platters of meats and cheeses. God went to the door and opened it up. Before him stood a number of angels, the first of which was Lucifer himself. “Lucifer,” greeted God with a smile. “Glad you decided to show up with all your idiot friends. Come inside. I hired a French maid and everything.”

“You did?” queried the angel.

God leaned in and whispered, “It’s really just Chris in a dress.”

“I see,” muttered Lucifer. Turning to his angel friends, he signaled for them all to come in. A party soon began and everyone ate and made merry, while Chris wondered about serving everybody while wearing a dress. But there came a point where God and Lucifer became secluded from the others as they sat before the great table of which contained the universe. “Mind if we have a chat?” asked Lucifer.

“I’ve got nothing better to do,” grinned God.

“Not busy taking care of your creations?”

“I can take a break. Where have you been since I last saw you here?”

“We’ve been going hither and thither about the earth. We looked at things, observed this and that.”

“Find much of it interesting?”

“Not really, if I could be honest.”

“All right,” said God with a nod. “But I was wondering…”


“Have you heard of a man named Job?”

To be continued.

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Tuesday, May 7, 2019

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Spinoff, Part 18

“I’m not sure what you mean,” said Lucifer.”

“I mean what I mean,” replied God.

“I think you ought to explain what you mean.”

“And what if I don’t explain what I mean?”

“Then… you’re just… being mean.”

God raised an eyebrow. “So you’ve noticed.”

Lucifer clenched his fists. “Tell me what you’re going to do.”

“Is that an order?” chuckled God.

“No. It’s a request.”

“Then say please.”

Lucifer trembled in a rage. “Puh-lease.”

God grinned. “Nope! You’re just gonna have to watch.”

A great sacrifice was being prepared at the temple of Dagon. Many Philistines showed up to celebrate. They all shouted, “Our god has delivered our enemy into our hands: the one who laid waste our land and multiplied our slain… and he also never apologized for it! It was really mean! We don’t like mean people! Mean people are bad!” It sort of just went on like this.

And so it came to pass that the happy crowd of Philistines called out for the man of the hour to be presented to them, “Bring out Samson to entertain us! We want to laugh at his face! After all, he’s been subdued and can no longer hurt us! What could possibly go wrong?!”

Lucifer stared at the table as he, very carefully, slipped his hand into his jacket. Pulling out his cellphone, he hit the speed dial for Dagon. However God gently lifted the cellphone out of the angle’s nervous hands. God grinned and said to him, “Let me tell you a story about a vase.” God then crushed the phone within his hand.

Samson was brought out before the crowds of laughing and jeering Philistines. They threw things at him and spit in his face. The man just took all the blows as he was held there. But then he turned his head slightly and proceeded to ask one of the servants, “Put me where I can feel the pillars that support the temple, so that I may lean against them.”

As Lucifer watched Samson move over to the pillars, God took the angel’s hand, placed the destroyed cellphone into the palm, and said, “Enjoy your paperweight, Lucifer.” The angel gazed into the eyes of God, and as great of an entity as he was, he felt very small in that moment. And was likely because he really was.

Samson placed a hand to each pillow as the people jeered and spit upon him. The temple was filled with thousands of men and women. There were even some dancing upon the roof. The blind man faced the ceiling and cried out, “Sovereign Lord, do you remember me?!”

“Yes,” muttered God as he looked down upon him.

“Please, God, strengthen me just once more, and let me, with one blow, get revenge on the Philistines for my two eyes.”

God leaned back and sighed in deep thought. He muttered, “Revenge.”

Lucifer breathed heavily as he looked at him. He seemed to want to speak but could not find the words. God grinned and nodded. “I love the idea. Besides… I rather loved his eyes.” He picked up one of his many action figures and looked into the plastic eyes. “So manly. So uncaring. They really were good eyes. Maybe he really did deserve to die… but those eyes. We really should make reparations for those eyes.” God grinned as he looked at Lucifer. “I’m sure you would agree to that being… fair. Eh, Lucifer?”

The angel grit his teeth and looked back at the table. Samson’s hair had somehow grown back. And as everyone laughed and jeered, Samson pressed the palms of his hands to the pillars and began to force them apart. As he did so, he cried out with a fury that he had never felt in all of his life, “Let me die with the Philistines!”

“Do it,” said God with a grin.

There were so many people within that temple. Thousands upon thousands. They had all been laughing and drinking and making merry. But there came a point where many of them came to the realization that something… wasn’t… right. Samson heaved the pillars apart until they began to collapse. The building quickly began to crumble. People were dying in masses all around him, and he saw it. He saw them all die. He was blind and yet he saw it. He grinned and even laughed as so many men and women were crushed, mangled, and utterly obliterated by the falling debris. More people died in the falling temple than he had ever killed within the whole of his life. And he saw it. And so did Lucifer. The angel watched in horror as his people were slain in one fell swoop.

God leaned on the edge of the table with a smile on his face as he watched disaster unfold. Samson looked up in his final moments. Their eyes met, they both smiled, and then Samson was gone.

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Thursday, May 2, 2019

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Spinoff, Part 17

Samson woke up bound with rope. It did not really concern him. It was no big deal. He had been here three times before and had simply broken the bindings and killed everyone involved. And so when he attempted to do this, he was surprised to find out that he had become powerless. His head had been shaved. The Philistines had finally won.

Samson looked to the woman who had drawn out the secret of his strength. She was grinning. It was the very last thing he ever saw, for a moment later, a Philistine came and gouged out his eyes.

He was now blind. Sight was only a memory to him. They put him in chains and forced him to grind grain within a prison. It was brutal, backbreaking work, and it caused him much pain. Everything he once had was now gone. And he knew deep within his heart that it was not the fault of Delilah. It was his own.

“You seem a bit depressed,” remarked Lucifer.

God nodded. “I’ve been better. It isn’t the first time I’ve felt this way, and it won’t be the last. I’m fine though.”

“Are you?”

“I am. I’ve been here before. Samson’s sin is no greater than that of Adam’s. I never believed in Eve and I certainly cared nothing for Delilah. It is Samson who is to blame. He knows it too. That’s why I left him. That’s why I left Adam.”

Lucifer put his fingertips together. He said, “Samson was a creature of unbridled chaos and destruction. And ultimately he never really served you at all. In the end, he fell into my trap. His loyalty ultimately falls to me.”

“You are full of it, Lucifer,” said God. “You really are. You have been holding onto that ‘gotcha’ moment for this entire episode. Just dying to deliver it to me at the end of the story. I knew Samson was going to fail. I even knew Adam would as well.

“Come to think of it… Adam was never all that interesting to me. The story of his creation is more interesting than him as a man. But Samson… I was his biggest fan. Likewise with Adam, I gave Samson the run of the world. He was my judge, and he spent his life putting you in your place.

“Ultimately he failed. Yes, he failed. I even expected him to. He is to blame for that, and the wages of his sin will be death. But I can’t help but look back on the things he did and just… smile. I smile, Lucifer. I smile quite often when I consider how absolutely wonderful he was at making a fool out of you.”

“But he failed,” said Lucifer. “He still failed.”

God grinned. “Yes, he failed. But you know what? Despite it all, I just can’t help but like him. I look upon my Samson action figures… and I just don’t feel like tossing them away. As a matter of fact, Lucifer, I think I wanna see a little bit more before this story ends.”

God leaned in and got uncomfortably close to the angel. He told Lucifer, “I’m bringing Samson in. And when I do, I’m gonna make sure you feel it.” Lucifer was genuinely terrified.

To be continued.

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