The Bad Boy

"The Bad Boy" by T.K. Wade (From the pages of "Wild.")

The flock of females was in a tizzy over the new boy duck that had been seen near Gallow Lake. Serena fluttered as she told the other girls about him. “Oh, I’m not joking about this at all! They say his name is Tucker, and he waits around Gallow Lake–all handsome and stuff. When a girl comes by, he calls you over, and who knows what happens then!”

Mary giggled. “His name is Tucker? That’s so cute! Where did he fly from?”

“Nobody knows, but I hear he’s one of those bad boys. You know the type: quiet, handsome, takes what he wants. I almost drop eggs just thinking about him!”

The flock giggled so loudly that it could be heard for quite a distance. Mary was the worst of it. She was normally the shy type, but this mysterious duck from Gallow Lake had really overtaken her thoughts. She asked, “Have you seen him? Is he still there?”

Serena quacked, “Oh, I’m sure he is, but between you and me, I don’t think I have the guts. Only a few girls I know have been there, and well, they never wanted to leave is all I can say! That boy has charm beyond reason! It’s almost scary!”

“He sounds so dreamy!”

“Come on, Mary! You know you wanna go see him so bad!”

Mary blushed. She really did, but like Serena, she was scared of what the bad boy was like. Did that mean that he was not nice, or was it just a euphemism for being dirty? She was not sure but really wanted to know. “I gotta go. I’ll see you girls later!”

All the girls giggled, especially Serena, as she flew away. “Face it, Mary! You won’t know unless you go see him!”

Mother was less understanding. “I absolutely forbid you from seeing that duck!”

Mary huffed. “But Mother!”

“No ‘buts!’ I’ve been hearing some pretty strange things about this Tucker fellow. Women seem to have been disappearing lately. I don’t want you going over there!”

“Mother, this isn’t fair! You can’t keep controlling me like this! I’m not a duckling anymore!”

“I’m only telling you this because I care about you! Stay away from Gallow Lake!”

Mary lowered her head. There was something so hurtful about being restricted like that at her age. It just was not fair. Begrudgingly, she nodded to her mother duck; however, she had no plans on actually obeying.

The next day: Mary flew over towards Gallow Lake. She was not going to do anything; she just wanted to look at him. At the very least, it would be a chance to tell her friends what he looked like.

As she got close to the lake, she landed on the ground. It took a few glances before she saw the single duck in question. True enough, he did look quite handsome, but he also looked very lonely. Devilish thoughts ran through her mind.

She suddenly heard him call to her, “Hey, pretty duck! Come down and play with me!”

Her heart skipped a beat. Was Tucker calling her? Something was just so alluring about it. Was she really going to do it? She decided that she was not going to let her mother control her anymore. This had to be done. Mary flew right over and landed in Gallow Lake.

“So, you’re Tucker, right? I’ve heard a lot about you. Where you from?”

Tucker said not a word; he just looked at her with those pretty duck eyes. She blushed at first, but then something just felt off about it. She asked, “Are you all right? I’m not bothering you, am I?” He remained silent. The more he did not talk, the more Mary was suspicious.

She swam up close and gently pecked him on the beak. Her heart sunk within her. “Oh, no. Oh, God. You’re not real.” She turned and flapped her wings. “He’s not real!”

She took off into the air, quacking at the top of her lungs, “He’s not real! He’s not real!” A loud bang was heard from nearby, and Mary fell back to the water with only one final thought: she should have listened to her mother.

-Author Notes-

There comes a point in in a teenager’s life where he wants to rebel. There are a lot of temptations out there, and a lot of them are influenced by that person’s peers. Sometimes something looks so good, but ends up being a trap. That was the reason I used a duck decoy to illustrate that concept. The parents usually make good calls on these things and listening to them at these critical moments would be advisable.

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Rodent Spotlight: Naked Mole-Rat

During much of my research into the fascinating world of rodents, I have seen many spectacular specimens; however, there is one rodent in particular that seems entirely separated from his cousins in form. The naked mole-rat has to be--without a doubt--the ugliest rodent I have ever seen in my life. I actually have difficulty looking at them, and I have heard that many other people feel similarly. Some of the pictures almost make the creature look like it is the rotting corpse of another rodent. Talk about horrifying!

Supreme ugliness aside, I did find that the naked mole-rat had some very unusual aspects that made me double-take a few times. Firstly, they feel no pain. I'm not joking. They do not feel any pain at all. That's just... weird! Can you imagine going through life without feeling any pain? I sure can't.

Another odd thing about them that is totally off the rodent charts is their longevity. A normal rat lives about one full year. A naked mole-rat lives a whopping thirty-one years! On top of that, they are almost entirely impervious to diseases and even cancer. Incredible! Rodents--as a whole--are not known for their ability to live very long.

Wait! I'm not done surprising you! The naked mole-rat are burrowers and usually live underground in colonies of about 20 to 300 individuals, but that isn't the weird part. True, that IS a big colony, but many rodents live underground. The weird thing is that they operate a lot like bees. They have the queen mole-rat who yells out the orders while the worker mole-rats serve her with unwavering loyalty. They don't come up for air very often either. Too much carbon dioxide? No problem! These guys hardly do any breathing to begin with. They don't do a lot of seeing either as they are almost entirely blind.

All right. Now, for fiction. Congratulations, Mr. Mole-Rat. Despite your horrible ugliness, you exist within two works that I was able to track down. In the Disney show "Kim Possible," there was a naked mole-rat named Rufus who was the pet of the character Ron. He was surprisingly cute, for a mole-rat, but that was likely because he was drawn somewhat unrealistically. Nothing wrong with that. We will also ignore the fact that naked mole-rats are not recommended as pets. Rufus was a good little agent and quite agile and sneaky. They even made a very cool rap for him aptly called "The Naked Mole Rap." Clever! I really enjoyed it!

My very first introduction to the species was in one of my favorite episodes of "As Told By Ginger." Yes, I know this is primarily a girl's show. I loved it, and I am not ashamed to admit it. In the episode called, "Family Therapy," Carl--who is usually quite happy to be dealing in revolting things--finds that he has a phobia of naked mole-rats. He cannot even bring himself to look at one. Quite a charming little plot-line, and I encourage anyone who is interested to see how it resolves on YouTube. In this episode, the rodent was presented in its realistic form which would account for Carl's fear--this coupled with the fact the creature crawled up his pant leg uninvited.

I am happy to say that I did write a story about a naked mole-rat--just recently too. It was called "Three Rats," and one of those three rats was the rodent in question. I painted him as a dreadfully hideous creature but with a wonderful heart which meant more than anything else. I believe that this is a good way to portray him, but do not dismiss the possibility of an evil mole-rat. There is something to be said for how "Dick Tracy" portrayed villains. The uglier they are, the meaner they can be. Still, this is one creature with potential, and I believe it has--by now--been appropriately recognized.

Thank you for reading this blog. If you enjoyed it, you can comment below, or you can email me at tooie@tooiekangaroo.com. Egad!

Motherhood

"Motherhood" by T.K. Wade (From the pages of "Wild.")

It was something that you could almost always find on a mid-Monday afternoon. Mothers from all around would gather near the golf course in Alice Springs, and every last one of them were kangaroos. Of course, their sons were there too.

As usual, Maggie was the center of attention. Her boy was proudly propped up in her pouch and seemed happy to just peer about at all the onlookers. His mother was the big talker of the bunch. “I’m not bragging when I say that Ricky here is no stranger to fame. Wins just about every contest he enters and puts those other boys to shame.”

Surprisingly, the other mothers were not terribly bothered by the outright swanking. Not that she was enjoyable by any means, but Maggie was the one who started this whole thing. She was given a lot of leniency for this reason.

Jamie decided to throw in a compliment just to keep her from getting testy. “He’s growing up real fast. The little joeys gonna leave the nest soon enough.” Everyone present was a little surprised to see a look of horror in the boy’s eyes.

Maggie rubbed Ricky’s head to calm him down. “What’s all this talk about leaving? You’ll scare the poor boy. Ricky’s just a babe. Cut him some slack, girls.”

Gertrude–one of the tubbier of the bunch–took the chance to speak up, “Now, Maggie, you have to let go eventually. All our boys are out playing. Why, just recently, my little Beckley kicked one of them golfers right into the drink. Never saw it coming! He’s a real kicker, he is! Can your boy kick, Maggie?”

Maggie huffed. “I don’t see how kicking any human proves anything! My boy has sensitive feet!” Ricky backed up his mother by nodding profusely.

Jamie rolled her eyes. “Sensitive feet have nothing to do with it, Maggie. You’ll smother the poor boy if you’re not careful! I mean just look over there at Julie Sue.”

Of course, everyone looked. Julie Sue was one of those mothers who was hard not to look at. She was getting on in years and she had let her body blow up to some degree. But the worst thing about it was that her son–who could no longer be considered a child–was hanging halfway in and halfway out of her pouch. It was one of the most awkward arrangements that anyone had ever seen.

As everyone expected, Maggie was out rightly insulted. “What makes you think anything of the sort would happen to me?”

Gertrude answered, “Face it, Mag, poor Ricky is gonna just keep growing up and never move out of your pouch. And don’t you be blaming his sensitive feet when it happens!”

Maggie covered her boy’s ears. “Stop talking like that; you’ll traumatize him!”

Jamie huffed. “Come on, Maggie. Why don’t you just let him out for a bit? Let him get to know the other boys.”

Gertrude agreed, “Yeah, Mag, just let him play outside of your darned pouch for a change. Get him some grass between his toes!”

Maggie was usually the most stubborn of the bunch, but she was not used to being backed into a corner like that. She turned to look at Julie Sue again which only made her shutter. Even she figured that kid needed to get a life. The kangaroo grumbled and guided her son’s head up to look at her. “Okay, baby, these girls won’t leave me alone. How you feel about hopping around with the other boys?”

Ricky was not really sure what to think about that. He was so used to spending time with his mom, but then again, the thought of playing with other boys did sound fun. He decided to meet her halfway. “Can you come watch me?”

Maggie smiled brightly at that response. “Of course, I can!” As she hopped away, she said, “Now, don’t do anything too rough with them. Oh, and don’t kick anything. Don’t run too fast either. Come to think of it, maybe we should just watch them play rather than join in.”

Jamie winced as they hopped away. Gertrude grumbled, “If she keeps this up, she’s gonna need a bigger pouch.” Everyone nodded in agreement.

-Author Notes-

It should be apparent why I chose kangaroos to symbolize mothers. The issue I was trying to bring to the table here is the problem with overprotective mothers. Sensitive feet or not, if a child does not learn to break away from the nest, he will end up in a far worse scenario later in life. Mother and son are both to blame, but I give a special shameful glare to the mother who should have been more responsible.

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Rodent Spotlight: Guinea Pig

Here we have one of the more popular and well-known pets of rodentia. The guinea pig is a very fun creature, and I should know. My sister used to keep one when I was very young. These tubby little critters are quite friendly and easy to get along with. It is no wonder so many people enjoy keeping them as pets and giving them silly names.

Guinea pigs are very cute. Like their namesake, they are quite fat. They have a comical look on their faces which is very endearing. Also, they can have a variety of hair styles; although, perhaps I should say fur styles. But you have to admit that that sometimes it really does look like hair. You can imagine how the girls love to groom and brush these cuties. Sometimes they even get decorated with little bows and flowers. Aww!

But what about guinea pigs in fiction?! You likely imagine that they are quite cute and dressed up in the stories we create. The answer to this is a clear and resounding... not really. Turns out the only guinea pig story in fiction that I could find was a Disney movie called "G-Force." Quite literally, this was a movie about commando guinea pig secret agents who had been specially trained by a government funded program. They also had really cool technology and even these awesome rapid transport rodent balls they could drive down the street.

Even still, there was a scene where a human girl was playing dress up with one of the agents. It was insanely cute but somewhat bordering on disturbing as well. The secret agent stuff was a lot cooler, and even the plot was not really that bad. Okay, so it was a silly movie, but its one of the very few things these piggies have to brag about.

Personally, I just do not think I would go the secret agent route. That seems more suited for mice, rats, or gerbils. In reality, guinea pigs are really not that athletic. I see them more as merchants. I love the idea of a tubby merchant who travels about selling his wares. They would spend a lot of time in the tavern as well fattening themselves up with the money they make. Still, I am glad to see they have been immortalized in fiction. Not every rodent out there has had that pleasure.

Thank you for reading this blog. If you enjoyed it, please leave a comment below, or you can email me at tooie@tooiekangaroo.com. Ho ho!

Family

"Family" by T.K. Wade (From the pages of "Wild.")

Timmy the coyote hung his head down low as he moped right into the den. Peter, the boy’s father, took notice of his sulking kid. The boy tripped over a pile of bones and just laid flat upon the floor. This was followed by a very sorrowful sigh.

Obviously concerned for his son’s well-being, the father asked, “Is there something wrong, Son?”

The boy sighed again as if trying to gain even more attention. “Oh, it’s nothing, Pop.”

Peter trotted over to his son and helped the boy to his feet with a well-placed bite to his scruff. “Now, what did I say about keeping secrets? Tell your old man what the problem is.”

The little coyote rubbed his nose with his leg and said, “It’s Billy from the other valley, Pop. Told me I was good for nothin’. Can’t even catch an ol’ jackrabbit.”

Peter chuckled. “Is that all, son? That’s nothing to worry your little head over!” The father ruffled up the boy’s head fur. “I’ve seen you catch plenty jackrabbits!”

“But Billy doesn’t know that! I bet he’s been telling all the other guys… and maybe even the girls. None of ‘em are gonna like me anymore.”

Kate trotted from deeper inside the den. “Honey, I got dinner all trussed up in there…” She gasped when she saw her son. “Timmy! You look awful! Are you sick?!”

Peter blocked her from getting to him. “Now, now, dear, the boy is just having problems with his friend. I’m pretty sure this is a matter his father can help him with.”

“What kind of problems? They aren’t biting him, are they?”

“Oh, I don’t think so, dear.”

Timmy peeked around to see her. “Well, actually he did nip at me a little. He looked like he was gonna do more, so I ran away.”

Kate forced her way past Peter and checked him over. Peter grumbled, but he knew that there was little he could do to stop her now that a potential injury was involved. The mother said, “You do have a few “boo-boos” on your bottom, dear.” She licked at them.

Once more, Timmy let out a sorrowful sigh. “What do I do? Catch a jackrabbit in front of him?”

Peter sat down on his haunches and replied, “Things like these tend to cycle out of control, son. You need to stand up to him or you’ll always be afraid. Who knows, he might get some of the other boys in on it… then where will you be?”

“But gee willikers, Pop, Billy’s so much bigger than me!”

Kate cocked her head. “Big-nosed Billy? Dear, he’s just as small as you are.”

Peter concurred, “Yes, dear, I was just getting to that. He’s just putting on a big front. But I’ll tell you a secret, Son. He has one major weakness.”

Timmy asked, “What’s that, Pop?”

“He’s not my son. You can take him any day.”

“You want me to take him?”

Peter smiled proudly. “Well, naturally I expect you to kill him. Just give him a good hard bite to the neck. After a few jerks, he’ll go right to sleep.”

Timmy looked up to his mother. “Mom, do you think I should do it?”

She sighed and nodded. “Your father is right, honey. You should go out there and break his neck. At the very least, the other coyotes will respect you for it. Just try not to track too much blood into the den when you come back. I just cleaned.

Timmy hopped into the air with newfound courage. “That’s what I’ll do! I’ll kill him, and he won’t be makin’ fun of me no more!”

Peter chuckled. “Go get him, sport!”

Timmy darted out of the den to take care of business. Peter stood next to his wife and let out a happy sigh. “There he goes, dear.”

She nodded as a little tear rolled down her furry cheek. “Our boy is growing up.”

Peter quickly snapped out of it and asked, “So, what’s for dinner?!”

She giggled and walked towards the back. “I think his name is Robert.”

“Sounds delicious, dear.”

-Author Notes-

After watching an episode of “Leave it to Beaver,” I had the idea of presenting a similar story but from the perspective of vicious coyotes. The moment where the father encourages his son to murder the one who is bullying him is intended to come across as shocking while still realistic. Nature is a very hostile thing, and there is no problem in the animal kingdom that cannot be solved by simple murder.

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Check out my ebook "Wild" available for free at Barnes and Noble! Just CLICK HERE!

Of Murridae

"Of Murridae" by T.K. Wade (As told by Petalweight the bard.)

Hark! But doth my ears perceive the clanging bells that cry freedom?! Murridae rings with such tidings and beckons all those beyond to her happy borders! Come and be merry within the land where many prosper and find joy! For it is here where the sun shines brightest! You cannot declare otherwise!

A young nation born from a tribe overseas–we came seeking new lands and were nary met with disappointment! It is here we built upon vacant soil and from such an effort we made Rodopolis! Castle and king reside there, and from those great walls did we run about and take claim to these empty lands! Why not?! What is empty soil worth of itself–but that we must plant our lives upon it!

And now, miles uncalculated have we driven ourselves from where we began! Cities and towns litter the map, and more seem to come about! Prosperity and invention are evident, for we have already taken to the skies on the backs of ravens! Is not Murridae greater than the Old World?! Aye!

But pray! Do not forget our greatest accomplishment! Be ye blind and deaf?! For years that have come and gone, this country has seen many a marvel, but one cannot breath and fail to admit the truth! For Murridae would be so much lesser a wonder without a certain jerboa named Petalweight! Aye! You heard me! Dare you denounce me?! Nay! You embrace it! I know it and so do you!

Who else among this country carries words as I?! Who else among these abundant patrons has more of a graceful form?! Ha! But not even the Great Jerboa himself could attest such merits! Consider yourselves of times fortune, for you all are my contemporaries! Cry out that you have seen me! Shout that you have heard me! Weep when I am gone! For these are the words of Petalweight, and as a product of Murridae, let it be known that we truly live in a remarkable land!

-Glossary-

Murridae: The country in which Petalweight lives. It is populated by many races of rodents.

Rodopolis: The capitol city of Murridae.

Old World: The people of Murridae originate from a far off land overseas. I never actually gave the place a name. Teehee.

Jerboa: A species of rodent with long tails that have little puffs at the tips. Petalweight is a jerboa.

The Great Jerboa: Jerboas believe there is one god that ultimately represents their interests. The other rodents believe in this god as well but believe him to be one of many gods. They call him Irritum, the god of vanity.

Rodent Spotlight: Fancy Rat

Not every rat in the world is known for crawling around in filthy gutters, eating garbage out of trashcans, and spreading diseases. Some rats rather detest the lifestyle! We call these rodents fancy rats and for good reason. These rats live far above the greasy proletarian caste of rat society.

I first heard of these remarkable specimens while perusing the DVD special features of the movie "Ratatouille." At first, I thought it was a joke, but then I started hearing the term "fancy rat" in other places. The designation basically refers to a particular species of brown rat that is commonly kept as pets. Oh, yes! No garbage for these little princes. Only the best table scraps will do!

It wasn't always the easy life for the fancy rat. They had to fight their way up to current luxuries. In the 18th and 19th century, fancy rats were bred to be used in some very gruesome blood sport. They were forced into great arenas and made to fight other rats as well as bigger creatures like dogs and cats. It was all very cruel, but some rats actually survived to continue the bloodline even to this day. Now, the fancy rat is treated with far more respect.

Fancy rats are evenly tempered and get along fairly well with others of their high society ilk; however, they will sometimes get into tussles with each other. I'm sure this is going back to their fighting roots, but they usually don't rough it up too badly. It's all about who gets the first of the food now-a-days rather than who gets to live.

We do not see many fancy rats in fiction, but the door is wide open for the possibility. In my unpublished novel "Rat," I had some fancy rats portrayed. In stark contrast to the main characters, these rats had grown very dependent on the humans for just about everything. There was some jealousy when the newcomers were added to the cage, but I can understand that! The affections from the great human overlords will be split between them! How dreadful--but not as dreadful as living in garbage cans! Bleck!

For better or worse, being a fancy rat is a remarkable status that all rats would likely wish for. Sadly, most of them must be content with the paw they were dealt. And besides, with as much garbage we throw out on a daily basis, they will likely never starve to death out on the streets.

Thank you for reading this blog. If you enjoyed it, you can comment below, or you can email me at tooie@tooiekangaroo.com. Pinkies up!