Mustelidae Spotlight: Ferret (Redux)

It has been a very long time since I wrote the original spotlight for the ferret. Like last time, I offer you a chance to read the original before moving on to this new one. Click HERE if you want to give it a look-see.

Ferrets are actually my favorite mustelid. I like many others too. Skunks were a close contender. I struggled over that one for a whole week. In the end, Ferrets won out. I just cannot get enough of the little guys. Let's look at the facts.

Ferrets have no spine at all. Well, that's not true, but if you see them worm about, it's almost as if they completely lack any bones at all. They move like they are filled with jelly. Owners sometimes buy plastic tubes that the little guys can crawl around in. It is very cute!

Ferrets also like to steal things--shiny things! Who knows why? This is one of the great mysteries of the animal kingdom. I kind of understand it though. Shiny is pretty and fun! Why wouldn't you want to steal shiny things? The thing about animals is they have no moral code. They simply do what makes them feel happy. Ferrets are a good representation of greed when compared to humans. But let's be honest: it's cute when ferrets do it!

Ferrets are villainous and stinky. Both actually true. Even though we could probably do without the smell, we rather enjoy seeing our ferrets concoct their sneaky schemes to rid us of all our shinies. They sit there looking cute, but in their tiny brains, a vast and elaborate plan is in the works. One day, you just wake up in an empty house. You may not want to believe it, but ultimately, you know who was really responsible for the crime. You can only blame yourself. You bought a ferret for a pet.

Ferrets can dance! It's true! It's something called the Weasel War Dance! Well, it's not so much a dance as it is a spasmodic fit meant to lure prey into a hypnotic WTF trance. That's how they get ya! One day you come home to see your pet ferret rolling around, doing back flips, and singing show tunes, and the next thing you know, your toupee goes missing. You never saw it coming!

Ferrets are related to dragons. They must be! They keep little dragon hoards hidden somewhere in your house. All the things they steal goes into this hoard so they can go and stare at it for hours on end. "It's all mine! All the shinies are mine!" Yes, that's what they are really thinking. I did research this.

All jokes aside [were they REALLY jokes?], I can't help but watch these guys and see true evil genius at work. They are the animal representation of cunning and greed. Ironically, we love them for it. We adore them for their deviousness. We make them pets and find it hilarious when all our nice things begin disappearing. Madness! But is it really? Is it really madness?

...

Probably.

Thanks for reading this weird blog of mine. If you enjoyed it, you can comment below, or you can email me at tkwadeauthor@gmail.com. Dook.