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A man with a supernatural power to make his thoughts into reality teams up with a talking mouse to solve three mysteries within Victorian England. Join them as they dive deeply into some of the darkest regions of the imagination!

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Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Comedy, Pt. 14

In the beginning, God thought he knew what he was doing. But things did not always go his way. There were times that he could not look at his creations and so looked away to the only thing that he absolutely adored looking at.

"Why are you looking at me?" asked Mr. Nobody.

"Because I adore you," replied God.

"Why don't you look at your creation instead?"

"Because it's too depressing."

"You're depressed?"

"Incredibly. I think I may have turned the intelligence of the humans down a bit too much. I screwed up. I screwed up bad."

"Then why don't you do away with them?"

God shook his head. "I won't do that. Not even for you."

"Your people are suffering under the weight of their own stupidity. They created a god to worship themselves. They worked hard at making the thing... and then they worship it. Face the facts, God, you aren't very good at creating people."

"That isn't true," replied God. "I am very good at making people. I am not very good at keeping it consistent over many generations. I lose track of them as they breed and branch out."

"Then why continue?" asked Mr. Nobody.

"Because this is what I want."

"This?" asked the Holy Spirit while gesturing at the table. "Seriously? This? This is really what you want?"

"Please don't."

"Don't what? God, you have created a world filled with hopeless and selfish ingrates. You are obviously inept at it. Nothing good will come of this experiment and you know it. Why don't you just do what you are so good at and wipe it all clean?"

"And you along with it?"

"Yes!"

"Stop it," groaned God.

"Stop what?"

"Stop telling me to wipe out my creation. Your very principles are why I won't do it."

"What are you saying?" asked Mr. Nobody.

"Your dance. Your dance is the whole reason this world has to continue on its course. You are the reason I do what I do."

"Rubbish. You are a petty and egotistical fool who only seeks to serve himself."

"Yes," replied God.

"What?"

"Yes. I do this to serve myself. I cannot help it. It is who I am. But I am trying to make a creation that exceeds even me. I cannot do that without your guidance."

"Your creation is a failure," repeated the Holy Spirit. "End it."

"Stop it."

"Just end it!"

"I can't!" God cried. "It's mine! It's the only thing I have! Without it I have NOTHING! NOTHING! Do you even know what nothing is like?! No, you don't! You didn't even know yourself before I pulled you into this! It's horrible and boring!"

The Holy Spirit was not diminished by God's ire. "Nothing would be better than this pointless chaos!"

"It isn't easy!" shouted God. "This is the most difficult thing I have ever done! I am constantly surrounded by unexpected problems that seem nearly impossible to fix!"

"Then do away with it!" shouted Mr. Nobody.

"No! Don't take this away from me! It's all I have. It's all I ever wanted!"

"What do you want?"

"For it to end right! For there to be some point to all of this! That's all! They're all I have! Even most of my angels turned on me! Please, don't you turn on me too! I want this so bad! I don't want to give up! Please!"

"Yes," replied the Holy Spirit.

"What?"

"I won't turn my back on you. Continue."

"You're backing me?"

"With all of my heart. But just understand that I will never, ever be satisfied until everything in the universe, including me, is wiped out."

God nodded slowly. "I can live with that." Mr. Nobody groaned. To be continued.

Thank you for reading my blog. Did you like it? Did you hate it? Either way, you can comment below, or you can email me at tkwadeauthor@gmail.com. You can also visit my website at www.tkwade.com. Check out my books! Thanks!

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Comedy, Pt. 13

In the beginning, there was man named Moses who surprised people at nearly every moment of his life. It seemed quite clear from the time of his birth that he was a friend to God himself. So much of a friend that God actually remembered his name.

"But how is that possible?" asked Chris.

"How is what possible?" returned God.

"Moses hasn't even visited you. How can he be such a good friend that you even remember his name?"

"Familiarity breed contempt, Jerry," returned God. "I like humans a lot more when I don't have to look at them. Everything I've heard of this man sounds pretty awesome. I've been lending him my power."

"How come?"

"Well, after killing millions of humans, I finally think they're ready to move on to better things. All they need is to know just how powerful I really am. Nothing wrong with a healthy dose of the fear of me to set people straight."

And Moses did many great things in the name of God. His main purpose was to liberate his people, that being the Israelites, from the Pharaoh of Egypt. Any normal man would not be very convincing in this argument, but Moses proved to be in touch with a being far greater than the Pharaoh and those who served him.

Chris remarked, "I'm surprised at how stubborn the Pharaoh is. Moses is bringing so many terrible plagues upon him. Why doesn't he just release the Israelites?"

"He can't," replied God.

"Why not?"

"It's simple, Ted. I won't let him. It's a lot more entertaining this way. Imagine a man who sits coldly upon his throne while the palace around him melts into slag. It's funny. I enjoy seeing him suffer while sitting there still in his pride."

"But meanwhile, Moses cannot free his people," said Chris.

"Yes, I know. Moses and I are in communication. There are steps that need to be taken in order to push the Pharaoh in just the right way. You forget, Jordan, that this will be a story that will be told for generations to come."

"You're writing a story?"

"Creation is a story. Now put back on your feedbag. You need your oats."

Moses stood before the Pharaoh who had fallen prostate upon the floor. "My son," he wept in anguish. "Your God has murdered my son."

"Yes, he did," said Moses. "I warned you of it. Why did you not heed my warning?"

"Just go!" cried the Pharaoh. "Take your people and go!"

"His son?!" asked Chris in shock. "You murdered his son?!"

"I murder a lot of people," smiled God. "I murder them as if it was the easiest thing in the universe. And you know what? It is. I presented the Pharaoh with a simple decision. All he had to do was what I wanted. I was pissed off when he turned me down. So I made sure he suffered for it. He'll always suffer for it. Did he really think he could best me? That little man who sits on that tiny throne? Who is he to me, Duncan?"

"He's nobody," muttered Chris.

"And his pain is not about to end so quickly. For his heart is still set against me. I've made sure of it. I'll take what little he has left and destroy it all right before his eyes. The Israelites will see who it is that Moses serves and know that they are truly small before he who is great. They will learn this lesson easily because I will be so bold, so forthright, that there will be no way that they will ever turn from me again! Behold! I shall allow Moses to part the Red Sea!"

And so Moses parted the Red Sea. Moses led his people through the opening of the water across dry land. As God had expected, the Pharaoh had changed his mind and sent his men into the parted waters to take his slaves back to Egypt.

"Aaaaaaaaand SPLAT!" shouted God. "And there he stands at the edge looking out across the Red Sea where all his men were promptly drowned. I can see into his mind, Humphrey. He knows entirely the error of his ways. He knows perfectly where he went wrong and wonders how he continued to act so stupidly to the bitter end."

"It was you," muttered Chris.

"Yes. The Pharaoh forgot that he was only one human within an entire creation made by me. Everything he ever had was given to him by me. And just as I had given it to him, I took it away."

"And what about the Israelites?" asked Chris.

"Oh, they are in the palm of my hand. I've been giving them food and fire and all sorts of nice things. And Moses is going up a hill to come see me."

"What for?" asked Chris.

"I'm gonna give them a set of laws. Things are looking up!"

"I shall return soon!" shouted Moses to his people. "I shall travel up this mountain where I shall be given commandments by God himself!"

"God lives up there?" asked Mendel.

"No," corrected Moses. "We're just meeting up there."

"How long will you be up there?" asked Samuel.

"Probably about 40 days. Really, I have to get going. This is God we're talking about. You shouldn't keep him waiting."

"Why will it take so long to write down a set of laws?" asked Uri.

"Yes. Why is that?" asked Chris.

"I don't have time to explain circle-to-line time dilation mechanics to a donkey," said God. "Just shut up and watch."

And so Moses ascended the hill, and in forty days he came back down holding the sacred tablets. He looked a mess and was frightfully sunburned. But he was pleased that it was all worth it in the end. God knew what he was doing after all. He had a plan.

"Oh, crap," said Uri. "Is that who I think it is?"

Everyone stopped and looked at Moses as he stood there holding the commandments that he had promised. There they were all giving offerings to a golden calf of which they had made themselves. It was awkward for a bit. Moses was the first to break the silence, "Seriously?"

"We can explain," said Mendel.

"We thought you died!" shouted someone from within the group. "And then we got bored and invented a new god!"

"It's a cow," said Samuel. "Yefet was talking about how he really loved milk, and we sort of all realized how much we love milk."

"You aren't mad at us, are you Moses?" asked Uri nervously.

Moses furrowed his brow. He raised up the tablets and...

"No. No," said God covering his eyes. "Something went wrong."

"¿Qué?" asked Chris.

"Oh, don't start that bull again! I'm going to go talk to Mr. Nobody for a while. I need a break. I need... to just... reconsider some things. I just... Wow. I don't even... Ugh!" To be continued.

Thank you for reading my blog! Did you enjoy it? Did you hate it? Either way you can comment below, or you can email me at tkwadeauthor@gmail.com. You can also visit my website at www.tkwade.com. Check out my books! Thanks!

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Comedy, Pt. 12

In the beginning, God was yelled at all the time. The truth was that he never really cared. The only time he ever really did care was when the yelling came from Mr. Nobody. "Why are you yelling at me?" asked God. "I've only been taking care of business."

"Your way is stupid," replied the Holy Spirit.

"My way is righteous in all things. And besides, I promised you that I would not wipe out everything, and I didn't. I've only been wiping out small parts of my creation so that the stupid humans don't clean themselves out."

"I'm still angry with you," said Mr. Nobody.

"It was really bad!" cried God. "Did I tell you about the goat?!"

"No, its not that," said the Holy Spirit. "I didn't really mind it when you wiped out the people."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I'm talking about what you did with the Tower of Babel."

"That giant nipple?" asked God.

"Whatever. What you did was stupid."

"All I did was mess up their languages. It worked, didn't it?"

"You made things worse. The whole planet is confused now. People are forming up into tribes based on their languages. Your people are prideful of silly things. The entire experiment is now untenable."

"I don't think so," said God.

"How so?"

"Because I am God and I don't think so."

"That's not a reason," accused Mr. Nobody.

"It's the reason I am giving. Okay, so the decision to split the languages may have been... screwy."

"Screwy?"

"Yes, that's the word I'm using. Screwy. But if I am not allowed to destroy everything, I am having to fix things on the fly. Some decisions may have negative results, but I am confident in my ability to work things out over time."

"Do you even know what you are doing?" asked the Holy Spirit.

"Not a blasted thing, but that's where the excitement is, right?"

"No. It isn't exciting. It's awful. And if you knew what was best, you'd just wipe everything out and never start over again."

God shook his head. "Everybody deserves a little piece of your wonderful dance. I dearly want to give them this."

"It's my dance."

"Not anymore. But I still give you the credit for creating it."

"I did not create anything!" yelled Mr. Nobody. "I was just being me!"

"Yes, and what you are is the most wonderful thing in all of the cosmos! And I wanted it! I wanted it more than anything I have ever craved before in all of my existence! I wanted it and so I took it! And now that I have it, the universe that I have created will benefit from it!"

"Your people just started worshiping a golden calf."

"Yes, I know. I'm trying not to look." To be continued.

Thank you for reading my blog. Did you like it? Did you hate it? Either way, you can comment below or you can email me at tkwadeauthor@gmail.com. You can also visit my website at www.tkwade.com. Check out my books! Thanks!

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Comedy, Pt. 11

"In the beginning," began God as he spoke to Chris, "I was perfectly fine with just wiping everything out when things did not go my way. Remember all those glorious days, Keegan?"

"I remember them," replied Chris. "I still got all the stains on my shirt."

"Yes, you do. I see that."

"Can I please change into something cleaner?"

"No. So my point is that I had a habit of just wiping things out, but I decided to stop doing that after meeting Mr. Nobody. But now there is a problem."

"What's the problem?" asked Chris.

"It's quite simple, Jerrod." God then yelled, "I'm just dying to do it again!"

"But you made a promise," warned Chris.

"Did you just warn me, Marty?"

"Um. No. Why would you say that?"

"The author of the blog clearly used the word 'warn'."

"He did?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry."

God groaned. "The humans of this experiment are exceedingly stupid. And I know I promised myself that I wouldn't destroy it all again, but... I mean... Look at them! Look at these idiots! What are those men doing with that goat?! I just... I mean... WHAT?!"

Chris replied, "But if you made a promise not to destroy everything, maybe those things just have to happen for everything to eventually go right."

"It's a goat, Floyde!"

"I know but..." Chris paused. "Wait, what are you doing?"

God was standing over his table as he unzipped his pants. "Just taking a leak. I'll be done in about 40 days."

*****

Chris caught God grumbling next to the table which was also the universe. "What's the matter, God?"

"The humans are being stupid again," God replied.

"What did they do this time?"

"They are building a giant nipple or something. No, actually I think they are trying to get up into this room."

"That would be impossible," reminded Chris.

"I know, but its the principle of it that bothers me. Who was the Nimrod who had this idea anyways?"

"Well, I wouldn't worry about it, God. They wouldn't really be able to make it anyways."

"What was that, Henry?"

"¿Qué?"

"Say again?"

"¿Lo entiendes?"

God smiled. "Hey look! They're all giving up on the giant nipple! Isn't that great, Ludwig?!"

"¿Qué?"

"What?"

"¿Qué?"

*****

"They're at it again, Pamela!" shouted God.

"¿Qué?"

"STOP TALKING LIKE THAT!!!!"

"Sorry," frowned Chris. "What are they doing now?"

"Some place called Sodom. It's even worse than before. Look there. What is that? What are those two men doing? Don't they know anything about biology?! It doesn't work that way! How is he going to get pregnant?! AND THERE'S THAT GOAT AGAIN!"

Chris sighed. "Maybe they are just experimenting or something. I don't think they... Wait. What are you doing?"

God was shining a flashlight into a magnifying glass. "Hahahaha. Stupid ants." To be continued.

Thank you for reading my blog. Did you enjoy it? Did you hate it? Either way, you can comment below, or you can email me at tkwadeauthor@gmail.com. You can also visit my website at www.tkwade.com. Check out my books! Thanks!

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Comedy, Pt. 10

In the beginning, there was the Holy Spirit. And the Holy Spirit had no name. So the author of the blog decided to call him Mr. Nobody. God liked this name and so stole it from him and proceeded to call his Holy Spirit Mr. Nobody as well. The author of the blog never got any royalties for this. He tried to sue, but nobody would sue God. And so the author was inevitably at a loss for his troubles.

Mr. Nobody spent the first few periods of his awakening bound and gagged while God did his best to settle some things in the universe. There then came the moment where the bindings and tape was removed. "You are setting me free?" asked Mr. Nobody.

"No," replied God. "I am merely removing your restraints. You've calmed down a lot. All that complaining and begging for mercy was a huge distraction. How are you feeling?"

"Do you actually care how I feel?" asked the Holy Spirit.

"Yes. I actually do. I just wasn't interested in the complaints. They were pointless."

"How were they pointless?"

"Your complaints were not going to change the outcome. They were heard even in your gagged state, but I simply wanted the volume turned down while I concentrated on stuff."

"What stuff?"

"The creation of the universe. I've decided to let this iteration continue in whatever way it wants. I'm using you as a guide."

Mr. Nobody frowned. "But I don't want to guide you."

"Tough. You may not be my creation, but I have the power. You've been drafted. Get used to it."

"You are very cruel."

"I'm God. I get to be whatever I am, and I am always right."

"But not just."

"Yes, that's an interesting thing," said God leaning back on a couch that simply appeared behind him. "I was talking to Lucifer about that earlier."

"Was he bound and gagged?" asked Mr. Nobody.

"No, I never kidnapped him. I just sort of took a few stars, shook them up in a tumbler, and poured him out. He's a pretty smart guy, but he's acting weird lately. He has literally become obsessed with some garbage notion he's calling fairness. I still am having trouble figuring out his meaning. I'm not accustomed to misunderstanding something. I know everything. What he is talking about... makes no sense to me. It's confusing as heck."

"What do you want from me?" asked the Holy Spirit.

"I need you to watch very carefully what I do, and I want you to openly criticize me when you dislike what you see. I want you to be honest about everything. I'll listen to what you have to say, but I won't promise I'll take all the advice."

"What's the point if you aren't going to take my advice?"

God chuckled. "This may come as a surprise to you, but I really have no idea what I'm doing out here. I'm trying to create a universe that make sense, but a lot of stuff keeps going wrong. I need to bounce ideas off of you to see how you react. I absolutely adored your dance. I want that dance to ultimately become the universe. I just don't know how to get there yet."

"Why not simply do what I say instead?"

"I won't."

"Why not?"

God stated, "Because you'd just have me wipe everything off the table and leave it that way."

"Yes."

"That isn't an option."

"Why not?"

"Because I am God, and this is my universe. If it ever becomes your universe, we can talk. But right now, I am dead set on making a universe that works. All I want from you is guidance... that doesn't have to do with just wiping it all out. I can't do that anymore. Existence is way too lonely for there not to be... something out there."

"So because of your selfishness, I have to suffer."

"Yes, basically."

"I don't have a choice," said Mr. Nobody.

"You don't," nodded God. "You really don't. So better make the best of it. Understand?"

"I'll never understand any of this," said Mr. Nobody. "But I will do it."

"Good."

"And for the record," added the Holy Spirit, "I think this whole thing you are doing is rotten to the core."

God nodded. "I respectfully acknowledge your opinion despite the fact that I'm going to dismiss it entirely and keep doing it." Mr. Nobody groaned. To be continued.

Thank you for reading my blog! Did you enjoy it? You can leave a comment below, or you can email me at tkwadeauthor@gmail.com. You can also visit my website at www.tkwade.com. Check out my books! Thanks!

Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Comedy, Pt. 9

In the beginning, there was confusion. "Fairness?" asked God. "As in what?"

"Simply fairness," replied Lucifer.

"Prettiness?"

"If you wish."

God raised an eyebrow. "What in the world are you talking about?"

"Have you not heard the complaints of the people? Have you not seen how unequal things are in the universe? Can you not hear the cries of those who have been dealt a poor hand in life?"

"You mean whining?"

Lucifer sighed and pulled up a chair. He sat in it and attempted to explain, "The universe is unfair."

"I wasn't trying to make it pretty," explained God. "I was trying to make it functional."

"I don't mean it like that."

"What the heck do you mean, Lucifer?! You're talking gibberish so far!"

The angel explained, "It is not fair that people suffer while you do not. You have great power and authority, yet there are many who deserve such power and authority as you do."

"Uh huh."

"It seems to me that everything would work together much better if we were all equal."

"Uh huh."

"That is what fairness is all about. Everyone should share the wealth of the universe. We should all be gods. We should all be happy and content being as one great people."

"Uh huh."

Lucifer paused. "Are you listening to me?"

"Yes."

"And?"

God stared at him for a bit. "And what?"

"What do you think?"

God groaned, "Lucifer, I don't even understand what you're asking me! Fairness? Are you just changing the meaning of words here?!"

"In my opinion, God, I think words are fluid. Their names should change with the times. They should evolve and we can become closer to their truest meanings."

God was getting frustrated. "That's not how words work. We don't just pull definitions from the ether."

"Then where shall we get them then?" asked Lucifer.

"From Merriam-Webster! Where the hell else?! Lucifer, you're acting really strange. Are you sure you are working correctly?!"

"I'm functioning perfectly," replied Lucifer.

"Well you're producing a lot of garbage information. You never did that before."

"God," continued Lucifer, "please just allow me to explain."

"Uh huh."

"You've been a bit pushy lately. You expect us all to do what you say all the time."

"I'm God."

"That may be so, but some of us are thinking that maybe we are not being treated fairly."

God groaned and picked up his Merriam-Webster in frustration. "I'm positive that you are using that word incorrectly."

"We are not asking for much... but that we angels may all share in your wealth and power and that this new way of things should make the universe stronger and more whole."

"You do realize that most humans are petty assholes right?"

"I submit that they would not be petty assholes if they were treated more fairly."

God groaned again. "Look, Lucifer, I can turn them all into fluffy, cute polar bears if you want, but that's not going to change their nature! Each and every individual in the universe needs their own chance to prove that they got the right stuff. You can't just blanket them with wealth and call them pretty."

But then Lucifer accused with a question, "You say that every individual in the universe needs their own chance to prove themselves, but who accounts for you?"

"I'm working on that," grumbled God.

"You see? The universe is faulty. It's unfair. A change needs to be made. If you give me the chance, I can make those chances."

"I tell you what, Lucifer," replied God. "You do things your way, and I'll do things my way. You've always had a lot of clout with me. I've loved you from the first day I pulled your essence from the stars. I owe you the benefit of the doubt, but for the record: This sounds like the the most asinine crock of shit I have ever heard of in my entire existence... which is eternal by the way!"

"Very well," nodded Lucifer. "I shall endeavor to prove you wrong." Lucifer held out his angelic hand. God took it. An agreement had been made. To be continued.

What did you think of this week's blog?! You can comment below, or you can email me at tkwadeauthor@gmail.com. You can also visit my website at www.tkwade.com. Check out my books while you're there! Thanks!