Fairy Tale Spotlight: Our Divine Comedy, Pt. 22

In the beginning, there was a moment that never seemed to end. Jesus approached John the baptist within the water and said to him, "I am here to be baptized."

To which John replied, "What? Seriously?"

"I'm not sure of the point to any of this," said Lucifer.

"Why are you bothering me now?" asked God.

"Am I really such a bother? Was I not your finest creation? Was I not the greatest of your angels?"

"I made a mistake," replied God.

"God makes no mistakes," countered Lucifer. "Is that not what they say?"

"They are only half right. I do make mistakes, but when I do, I make perfect mistakes. Lucifer, you are a perfect mistake. You perfectly function like garbage, and that was my fault."

"Then I see no reason why any of this is even necessary," said Lucifer. "If God can make perfect mistakes, then there is no reason why God should bother with his creation anymore. Leave it to someone who can at least make something functional of it. All you ever do is create unregulated chaos. People suffer. You suffer. We all suffer. Suffering is bad, yes?"

"Lucifer, you are incredibly stupid."

"Sticks and stones," said the angel. "Really, I think I have moved beyond such things. I have done so much since my inception. You have struggled incoherently in your madness. And there are actually humans who think the things you do are wonderful. They wrote a book about you and pass it around as if it fully represents your truest of words."

"I know of the book," said God. "They are my words."

"They saw the silly things you did and created morals from them. Little stories that all seemed to lead up to the praise of a failed experiment. Do you remember when you spoke through that donkey?"

God chuckled. "How could I forget that? I was so bored that day."

"People gave that story a moral."

God rolled his eyes. "I was just screwing around. The guy was annoying so I gave him a bit of a fright. It killed five minutes."

"Yes, but that like many of your acts were adored and loved by so many people who did not understand how little you really cared about them. They do not understand that God has abandoned them for the sake of his own foolishness. I, on the other hand, do care. I am a much better friend to these people."

God shook his head. "I have killed a lot of people but only for specific reasons and at specific times. You, Lucifer, grind the world down constantly with your ridiculous notion of fairness. People whom even I see as innocent are torn to shreds in that grinder of yours. Your way is atrocious."

"My way is efficient."

"I don't care about efficiency," replied God.

"Obviously. And that is why the thing you do now will fail. You have absolutely no self control. You, yourself, are a failed experiment. A being that should never have done anything more than just sit in a chair and stair out into the void. What a joke you are."

"Mhmm. Yes. I've turned the universe into a joke, I suppose," replied God. "But as I exist on the Circle, there is always room for a new beginning. I am putting all my faith in another. And he shall be the catalyst that drives forth a new way. And this catalyst shall expand from one end of the Line to the other."

Lucifer raised a finger. "I shall spoil the ending for you. Your son is going to die. Those who follow him will also die in ignorance of everything you attempted to do, so nothing will be learned. And in the end, I shall take his place and bring out a new era of peace and efficiency where you failed. It's all such a joke, God. And the joke has always been on you."

God frowned as he looked at the angel. "I won't stop you from trying."

"Why not?"

"Because there is a burning in my heart to prove to you that you have always been completely and utterly full of shit."

"We shall see," smiled the angel.

God looked back at his table. Jesus and John still stated at one another. He looked away and leaned over trying to contemplate things. To be continued.

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