“It might be him,” said another. “Have they binded him with rope?”
“Sure looks like it. Does that mean Samson has finally been subdued?”
“Maybe he has! Finally! This guy has been all kinds of problems! All we have done is followed our laws, done as Dagon wills us, and yet this jerks keeps making a mockery of us. We should kill him for his crimes.”
“And it should be easy since his arms are all bound up like that.”
“Yep.”
“And even if they were not bound, he does not even have a sword.”
“Yep.”
“And even if he did have a sword–and I already stated very clearly that he does not–there are a thousand of us and three thousand of the men of Judah. So if you really take the time to think about it, there is no way Samson could ever best us at this point.”
Lucifer scowled at God. “What are you hiding?” God shrugged a moment before about thirty aces began falling out of his sleeves like a waterfall of cards.
Snap!
Samson broke free of his bindings. Everyone backed away in surprise. Samson looked down and picked up a randomly placed jawbone of a donkey. Everyone backed away a little more. Samson looked at the jawbone… and grinned as the last ace fell out of God’s sleeve.
“Wait, wait!” shouted God. “Where’s my pencil?! I got to write this one down.”
Lucifer leaned against the table and just groaned as God scrambled to get some paper out. “Okay, how did that poem go?” asked God.
“Please, stop,” grumbled Lucifer.
“Recite the poem! I command it!”
Lucifer sighed and recited,
“With a donkey’s jawbone,
I have made donkeys of them.
With a donkey’s jawbone,
I have killed a thousand men.”
“Very good,” smiled God as he put down the last period. And the best part of it this time was that it wasn’t just the Philistines that got killed.”
“It was mostly Philistines,” grumbled Lucifer.
“Damn, I love this guy! I think I’ll share a drink with him!” And so God smote a rock upon the earth which caused it to flow pure water. And Samson drank from it. And all knew for the next twenty years that Samson was of the Lord, and he ruled them in his own way for that time.
“Anything you want to say, Lucifer?” asked God. “Questions? Comments? Good, clean jokes?”
Lucifer released a long and sorrowful sigh. He soon replied, “I have not yet been convinced.”
“Not surprised… but we’ll see how it goes,” smiled God.
“Yes. We will see.”
To be continued.
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All the odds were against Samson... but God had plenty of Aces up his sleeve! Samson slaughtered a thousand men with one of them. Lucifer is still hoping for that "fairness" to kick in... but is instead outplayed over and over again.
ReplyDeleteGod holds the keys to death, hell, and aces.
DeleteFake deities just cannot hold a candle to the real thing. If you want to be mighty, go to the Almighty. The enemy got a whole lot more than they expected.
ReplyDeleteYet they keep trying for some reason. Golden-calfers, all of them.
DeleteI loved the aces falling from God's sleeve and how the unsuspecting Philistines were slaughtered. A man should not be bound by rules, he was "without a sword" but prevailed. Hilarious when God commanded Lucifer to recite the poem, Sampson proved to be most entertaining to God and earned that drink with him.
ReplyDeleteI did see that as God sharing a drink with Samson. So sweet!
Delete